Only You Can Prevent Vaguebooking

Thanks to social media, I have a new pet peeve. It's called 'vaguebooking'. What, you ask, is vaguebooking?

Vaguebooking: An intentionally vague or ambiguous Facebook status update which prompts friends to ask what's going, possibly prompting friends to "Hide" future updates by the perpetrator.

I'm sure you know people who do this on a regular basis, hopefully you're not one of them. There's always someone who dangles just enough to keep their friends digging for more information.

Friend1: I'm so ________ [fill in the blank with angry/sad/frustrated/etc]...
Friend2: What's up?
Friend1: I don't want to talk about it right now.

Friend1: That was SO embarrassing!
Friend2: What did you do?
Friend1: I can't even talk about it yet, I'm still red

If you can't/won't talk about it, then why are you posting it?!? Either put in enough details so people know what's going on, or skip the status update altogether. Does it make you feel validated or important when friends comment on your cryptic status? Does stringing everyone along with breadcrumbs fulfill your need to be the center of attention?

I have a solution which will make everyone happy: Get a puppy. Seriously, they'll never judge you, they're always happy to see you, they never think your stories are boring, and they think you're the greatest person ever.

So to anyone reading this (both of you), you can help stop this online epidemic. If you are or have been guilty of vaguebooking, stop now! If you have friends who vaguebook, for the love of baby seals everywhere DON'T REPLY! Resist the urge, replying only makes it worse. The next time they post "wonders if it was worth it", "big surprise, can't tell anyone yet", or "that was a bad idea" leave them hanging. Seriously, even though it takes every ounce of self-control you have, don't even post a sarcastic comment. You can't extinguish unwanted behavior at the same time you are rewarding it.

I'm off to ... oops, I've said too much already.

Me? A Hoarder??

Dawn went down to Great Falls on Saturday for her monthly/bi-monthly grocery excursion. While she was gone, I had a moment of self-discovery. She will often send me text messages as she goes through the various stores to see if I want anything (usually cool Oreo flavors we don't get up here). As I was going through my inventory on-hand, I came to a startling realization:

I hoard food.

Not just any food, but junk food and treats. I have six different packs of Oreos stashed away (as well as Bugles, various Reese chocolate...). I have to have two packs of the same flavor before I'll let myself open one, especially if it's one I haven't tried before. I found a second bag of chocolate-covered peanut butter Oreos and was excited because that meant I could open it. I have had unopened packs go soggy because they have been in storage for so long. I have a bag of orange creamsicle Oreos I won't let myself open because if they're really good (as I suspect they are), then I can't get any more until someone goes down to the States again. And what if they're just a limited time offer and not even available down there anymore? The harder it is to get, the more likely I am to stash it.

At work, someone brought back a jar of really good hard candy from England and it sat on my desk for months. Not because they weren't delicious, but because I couldn't get more. Eventually, other people in the office helped me, or rather themselves.

This could also explain why I need to have ice cream on-hand at all times. Granted, it's not really hard to come by... unless you're trying to get some in Raymond at 11:00 at night.

I should've stayed in Psychology...

Mixed Results

Anyone who has ever been out to dinner with me knows that if I have time to decide what I want to eat before the server comes for my drink order, that's a really bad sign. Menus are apparently kryptonite to me. I'm sure ancient Egyptian heiroglyphs have been translated faster than the time it takes for me to get through a menu. Even though there's absolutely no chance whatsoever of me actually ordering a salad as a main dish, I still have to look at the salad page. And the pasta page. And the appetizer page... you get the idea. I keep thinking maybe I'll try something new this time, but that never happens. "I'll have the steak sandwich, medium, with the Caesar salad."

Thankfully the food arrived faster than the server. On a scale ranging from 'still moving' to 'burnt offering', isn't medium supposed to still be pink in the middle? Fear of starving to death prevented me from asking if they can uncook it or something so it's less brown and a little more pink inside. Then I started to wonder why do I worry about making the server feel bad if our food isn't done quite right? It doesn't make sense, but most of the time it still stops me from saying anything. It's not like she's going to break down in tears about how I don't appreciate all the work she put into it, or how no one asks how her day is going. All she does is take my order and relay it to the kitchen. Half the time, someone else brings the food out anyway and I don't see my server until she comes back to ask if I want a refill (which, to her credit, she did). So, I quietly ate my more-well-than-medium steak. At least they brought the bread with it. We had one family dinner where I ordered a steak sandwich and had to ask for the bread. "How is it a sandwich without the bread?" Seriously. But that's another story.

Deep down in the scary frightening recesses of my subconscious, I believe 99% of my restaurant selection is based on what I want for dessert. The main course isn't the draw for me. I can get meat anywhere, and I really can't tell the difference between steak or ribs at Montana's, Boston Pizza, etc., but the dessert is the deciding vote. I was in the mood for probably one of the best non-ice cream desserts available, the Chocolate Explosion.

Normally, I'm all about portion size, but this little culinary masterpiece is plenty rich for its size (think Donald Trump as a midget). Moist chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, white chocolate chunks, and a few other excuses to squeeze in more chocolate. Don't judge me, I had the side salad to offset dessert. And yes, that's how it works in my world. I figure the steak is neutral, so the healthy salad cancels out the chocolate. That line of reasoning may be the reason my new pants don't fit...

Rocket Science

I really enjoy going to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. They specialize in two of my favorite foods: burgers, and lots. I tried the regular burger (double patty) on my first visit and found it to be too much, so now I just order the "little" ones (single patty) and still have yet to finish my fries. If you make the mistake of going there during the lunch hour, be prepared to wait in line as it is a popular spot.

Part of the overall experience for me is watching the people while I eat. Not the people in line, those waiting for their food, or those sitting at their tables eating. No, those aren't the fun ones. My favorites are the semi-literate.

If you're not in a hurry one day, sit at a table with a good, unencumbered view of the doors. I guarantee, if you're into people watching, you'll not be disappointed. It may take a few minutes before your first sighting, but if the line is small enough you'll spot someone coming in through the exit door. It's not like these puppies aren't clearly marked with "ENTER" and "EXIT", au contraire.

As you enter, the door on your left is nicely marked "Enter Here".

To your right, you'll find the door marked "Exit Only".

I find it fascinating how many people will use the door marked "Exit", then stand in the middle of the seating area wondering just how to get in the line to order. One perplexed potential patron kept going towards the line, then stopping and going back towards the exit only to stop and go back towards the line. He did this two or three times before finally deciding it was okay to use the exit door as an exit (crazy idea, I know). Some will get upset, not at themselves, but somehow at the restaurant or staff. They'll shoot off a nasty glare towards the staff at the counter before turning around and going out. Sure, like it's their fault you can't read. How do you manage to order off the menu if you can't read the door??

I guess if 5 Guys really wanted to make it idiot-proof, they could just take the handle off the enter-side of the exit door, but where's the fun in that?

You Know You Travel Too Often When...

...you check into your hotel room and find this

Yes, it's a census form. "If this location is your only residence in Canada..." No, this isn't my only residence. I really do have a home, honest! Just because it seems I'm hardly ever there doesn't mean the government has to track me down at the hotel. Just because:
-I can walk into the lobby and they hand me my room key on sight...
-I don't have to specify "no housekeeping" when I stay for two nights or longer, the staff already know it's a standing request
-The front desk staff knows when I use a new credit card
-Dawn walks out of the bedroom and gets mauled by the kids, I come home after three or four days on the road and get a "hi" from whoever is sitting on the couch

I don't think those are valid reasons to start having my mail forwarded to room 403.

Come to the Dark Side, We Have Milkshakes

I don't go to McDonald's very often any more, but I might start going a little more regularly now. Lemme e'splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up...

First of all, my former milkshake connection went and did something stupid. Not to be outdone by the new mini-Blizzard, DQ went and downsized their milkshake line up. "Just Right" my flabby tush!!

The milkshake they proudly flaunt at $2.99 is the 12oz small. Twelve ounces. 354mL. To me, that's a shot glass. Come back when you're serious. They took the medium cup, called it a large. The small is now medium, and they had to make up a new small because they didn't have anything that small before the change. Sure, "extra large available upon request". It just frosts me that I have to pay extra to get the cup I was getting before. The new large is around $5 and they don't even put the pricing up for the extra large. I want a job with DQ marketing. Apparently their advertising exec's don't have to be in touch, and get paid to go around making things smaller. Don't think I didn't notice the cones getting smaller. The minute you downsize the Peanut Buster Parfait will be the last time I walk through your doors. I'm not sure why you think "riDQulous" is a positive thing...

What does this have to do with McDonald's? Well, their large milkshake is still a large and costs $3.99. A large for the price of a medium at DQ (which used to be the small). Listen up DQ, my loyalty is only as strong as the best ice cream supply. When I can get more product for a lower price, then adios amigo. You are this close to being on my list, which is not a fun place to be. Just ask Futureshop... Okay, I'm not dilusional enough to think my shopping preferences have any effect, but it makes me feel better.

One day, I'll realize it's cheaper to buy my own ice cream and make the milkshakes/ blizzards at home, and I'll get more too.

Another Survey from Facebook

Every once in a while I feel sarcastic enough to take the time to fill out these facebook surveys...

Name: Gary Hamon
Birthday: yes, every year
Do you replace the toilet paper if you use the last piece?: Yes
Birthplace: Hospital
How many pairs of shoes do you have?: 3-4
Current Location: Downstairs in the office
Eye Color: Blue.
Do you weigh yourself often?: No
Hair Color: Brown
Can you tie a cherry stem in your mouth?: No, I can never seem to get my fingers in far enough
Do you dye your hair?: No
Height: 6'6"
Do you laugh aloud by yourself?: If something is funny
Right or Left handed?: Right
Biggest weakness: Needles. Needles and blood. Needles and blood and kryptonite
What is your favorite movie and why?: Star Wars, Star Trek, Princess Bride, Bourne Trilogy, Serenity,...
Biggest fear: I have a recurring dream where I find out at the final exam I had another class I didn't know about and never attended.
Do you take daily medications?: Does ice cream count??
Your perfect pizza: BBQ Chicken. Or Hawaiian.
What is the best thing you can cook?: Toast. Cereal (although technically I don't actually cook it).
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Time travel
Do you have any OCD habits?: Straightening the twisted cords on hotel irons.
Your most overused word or phrase on a messenger: Cool
Do you test the water or dive straight in?: Jump in, how cold could it be anyway...
Thoughts first waking up: What day is it??
Would you peek in someone else's medicine cabinet?: Depends, do they have anything good?
Your best physical feature: ear hair
Do you chew straws?: Only if I've eaten everything else
Your bedtime: what time is it now?
Do you iron your clothes?: Shirts, unless I'm wearing a suit coat.
Number of hours of sleep per night: not enough
What was your favorite childhood toy?: Lego
Favorite Drink: Milk, juice, root beer (trying to cut back)
Can you do the splits?: With bananas and ice cream
Favorite Food: Ribs, pizza, burgers, steak, potatoes, whatever else Dawn makes...
Can you keep a secret?: Yes, let me tell you a few :)
Favorite Restaurant: DQ, A&W, 5 Guys, Montana's, Tony Roma's...
Favorite Ice Cream: Tiger, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookies & Cream
Do you drink?: See "Favorite Drink" above...
Do you smoke?: If I'm on fire...
Do you do drugs?: Just ice cream. I can't seem to find any tiger's blood.
Do you like to sing?: Meh
Do you like to dance?: Not so much
Describe yourself in three words: Tall, dark, and handsome :)
Do you believe in yourself?: Pretty sure I exist
As a kid who did you look up to?: Taller people
What did you want to be when you "Grew up"?: A Jedi
What do you do for a living?: Work
Do you like the rain?: The warm kind
Do you like Thunderstorms?: Yes
What's your fondest memory?: That one time, with those people... I don't recall the specifics
Have you ever shoplifted?: When I was about four, my mom made me take it back into the store though.
Do you have any tattoos?: No
Do you have any piercings?: No
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?: Does a cruise ship count?
When is the last time you went on a road trip?: Define road trip...
What is one thing you refuse to eat?: Bugs. Multi-grain pasta.
What's your birthstone?: Huh??
What's your Zodiac sign?: "Out of Order"
What year did you graduate high school?: 1991
Do you have any scars?: Yes
What kind of car do you have?: 2010 Chev Equinox
What kind of car would you like to have?: Corvette
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: Dawn
Do you like cartoons?: Clone Wars :)
What's your favorite smell?: Food
What do you do while you're driving?: My taxes, pythagorean theorum... the usual.
What's your favorite store to shop in?: The Lego Store, Toys R Us...
Do you believe in Karma?: She's my cousin, well 2nd cousin
What's your favorite number?: Whatever wins me the $43 Million on LottoMax
What's your favorite sport?: Like to play volleyball. Will have to start watching football soon if Rhys keeps going...
Have you ever lived in a different province?: Tried BC for a while, lived in Pennsylvania too.
Where would you like to live?: Somewhere warm
Are you a fast typer?: Compared to...??
Are you listening to music right now?: Yes
When were you the saddest in your life?: Any time we run out of ice cream
What does your CD player have in it right now?: What are these CD's of which you speak?? How old is this survey?
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: Why/how would I be a crayon??
What is your middle name?: Danger. Trouble. Mud. Depends on who's calling for me...
If you could change anything in your past what would it be?: Find the Caramilk secret. Or the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs & spices.
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Anyone who says eyes is lying. Neither of the genders is genetically imprinted that way...
What's your favorite color?: Green. Or Red.
What's your biggest pet peeve?: Poor grammer. Stupidity.
Do you like the ocean? Which one?: Some are better than others.
Do you like roller coasters?: Do you like projectile vomit?
What was your first job?: Babysitting.
If you could visit anywhere where would it be?: Tattoine, the brochures look nice. Naboo might be good too.
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?: Once, didn't realize it was a school zone until it was too late.
Do you wear contacts/glasses?: Not at the same time.
What's your favorite holiday?: Christmas
Have you ever fired a gun?: No, but I've fired 3 employees and 1 supervisor.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Two
Hugs or kisses?: Getting? Giving? Where are we going with this? And who is on the other end?
Do you bite your nails?: No
Do you have any siblings?: They may not want to admit it at times, but yes.
Have you ever been on a plane?: No, but I've been in several
What is your current desktop picture?: Yoda
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?: Probably the extinguisher
Do you swear?: Yes, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...
Are you a morning person?: Yes.
Do you like your job?: Yes...Most days
What was the first car you owned?: '74 Impala
Do you care what others think about you?: If you're in law enforcement, then yes.
The craziest thing you've ever done?: I have no recollection of that event...
What ringtone is on your cell phone right now?: Depends on who's calling.
What kind of cell phone do you have?: Blackberry
Would you like other people to see your survey answers?: That's a dumb question
Do you have any pets?: 2 cats (one on either side of the fireplace)