A(nother) Pet Peeve

Let me start off with a song written and performed by Bowser and Blue:

Yup, that pretty much sums it up... It's Christmas, not Xmas. It wasn't a mas and then you broke up with it. It really cooks my goose when I see people doing it who know better. Are you lazy? Or just afraid to call it Christmas? Facebook doesn't charge by the letter, you have the room to spell the whole word... Just sayin'

Good Times

I got to spend my week in La Crete helping set up the computer systems for the new Subway opening up on Monday. Monday consisted of a flight from Lethbridge to Calgary to Grande Prairie, and then a 7hr+ drive north to La Crete. I came within 190km of the Northwest Territories. That's as far north as I've ever been, or ever wanted to be, in my life. North is not usually my friend. North is cold. I don't like cold. I like south. Arizona is south. Florida is south. California is south. South is my friend.

Let's put this into a little perspective for those who may not be familiar with the geography...

The purple line represents the drive from Grande Prairie to La Crete. It turns out there are flights from Edmonton to High Level, but the $800+ ticket wasn't in my travel budget. And yes, I do have the Lego Store marked on my Google Earth map.

I was lulled into a sense of false security on Monday, as the weather was 2-5C above zero all the way up, which was warmer than the weather at home. The drive up was rather uneventful, fortunately. It wasn't until High Level that I saw a deer crossing the highway... in the middle of town. The weather dropped to the -25c to -30c range on Tuesday and stayed there until I left early Friday morning.

Add to that three fun filled days of fighting with computer systems which were supposed to have been updated before they were shipped to the restaurant (sadly, not so much). I guess it was a good thing I spent all day, every day working on the computers because there wasn't really anything else to do in town.

I left early Friday morning with so I could get to Grande Prairie for my 4:20pm flight and have time for pit stops, meals, poor driving conditions etc. It was all going well until I got to High Level.

"This is where the fun begins..."

I was making pretty good time when I got to High Level. I had a two and a half hour buffer, which I felt would be enough to handle most scenarios. About 5km south of town, there was a small line forming on the highway for what looked like an accident up ahead (I couldn't see because of the large trucks in front). Three emergency vehicles went by, and so did about 45 minutes. No problem, I still had over an hour. And then one of the highway trucks with the orange flashers started working his way down the line telling everyone it would be about 5-6 hours before the accident would be cleared up. Now that becomes a problem.

This is the ONLY highway going south from High Level, which seems like a glaring design flaw if you ask me. The "highway guy" told me to go back to High Level, take the highway going east, then go down to Red Earth and come across to Grande Prairie that way. My Garmin didn't want to let me do that, so I went to the Shell station to look at a map. Ummm... turns out Red Earth is a 5hr drive, and Grande Prairie is another 5hrs from there, which means there's no way of making my flight in 8hrs. To rub lemon juice in the paper cut, while I'm standing there looking at the map, the accident was announced over the local radio telling everyone to avoid the highway and there was no detour. Awesome sauce with a side of fries.

I went out to the car, pulled out my laptop, used my mobile internet stick, rebooked my flights for Saturday and informed Budget I wouldn't have their car back until Saturday morning. Then I waited. And waited. High Level is not a fun place to be stranded for four hours. If you've seen the movie "Trapped in Paradise", first of all I apologize profusely, no one should have to site through that (I still feel bad all these years later for taking a girl to see that movie). Anyhow, Paradise is a larger town than High Level with more to do.

I had lunch at 11:00, and did the sudoku puzzle on the back of the "Muskeg Buzz" out of sheer boredom. I drove up the highway at noon to see if they had made progress. Nope, still turning people away. So, back to town... I went back to check at 1:00. Nope, still not cleared.

Wait a minute! The same guy who told me to go to Red Earth is now escorting vehicles onto a side road. I followed the procession down a gravel road, hoping desperately he isn't going home for lunch. The convoy turned onto a small one-lane dirt road which led in behind a loading yard for trains, over the hill, through the woods, and onto the highway on the other side of the accident. Son of a beached whale! All this time and a quick 10 minute detour would've had me back on my way and home in time for bed. Curse you Dodge Avenger for not having a dash-mounted laser!

Speaking of the Dodge Avenger, I have to say, not my favorite car. If you rev the engine, you can watch the gas gauge go down. It has a combined highway/city mileage rating of 22MPG. Crap on a stick, our V8 Suburban does better than that. And that's what the car is rated, not what it actually gets... And to make things even more fun, because it's a rental, it receives all the loving maintenance of a bludgeoned seal. The girl at the rental desk said "You won't need snow tires, the roads are all clear." Thanks Dead-end Job Barbie, you can guarantee the road conditions between here and the NWT for the week??

I stopped at a gas station for some travel munchies on the way up on Monday and the "Oil change required" light came on when I started the engine again. That little light on the dash looks nothing like an oil can. It looks like a gravy boat. "Why yes, come to think of it, I could use some gravy. Thank you, thoughtful car, for reminding me."

Awesome Idea!

One of the families in our ward gave this to us yesterday and I thought it was a great idea...

Due to the photo quality, you probably can't tell right away what it is. It's an Advent Candle. How cool is that? Every day you burn the candle down to the next line and wait again for the next day. I like this idea a lot better than the candy advent calendars, and not just because I have pyromaniacal tendencies. I may have to try this with a bigger candle  :)

'Tis the Season...

A friend on facebook posted this video and I had to pass it along. When you see stories like this, it tends to renew your faith in "peace on earth, good will towards men"...

What's more shocking? The fact she pepper sprayed roughly 20 other shoppers to get an XBox 360 for half-price? Or that other customers were so focused on getting the same deal, this woman managed to take one, pay for it at the register, and leave the store without being apprehended? When she got home, did she include the part about spraying other customers when she tells everyone what a great deal she got? Little Dudley can proudly tell his friends, "My mum sprayed 20 people to get this for me."

When the wisemen brought their gifts to Mary and the young Jesus, I'm sure this isn't what they had in mind as an end result of the tradition they started. 

Some of My Favorites

It's time to put up some of my favorite Christmas songs. I'm not going to put them in any specific order because it's hard for me to quantify things I really like. It's like asking me to decide between my favorite foods...

Were You There - Jon Schmidt 

I'm a Jon Schmidt fan. I'm a sucker for a good piano arrangement, and when you add great vocals I'm hooked. The first time I heard this song was in Grade 11 when our seminary class went carolling to a senior's center and a few of the girls sang this (being 16 at the time, I only really remember one of them, but I'm sure there were others with her). I want my Christmas music to move me, and this song does it every time.

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains

I remember being in the car with the family, I'm not sure if we were just driving around to look at Christmas lights or just happened to be singing Christmas songs at the time, but I remember wanting to sing this one.

O Holy Night

Josh Groban singing O Holy Night, can't go wrong there...

I have other favorites, but I keep getting sidetracked on YouTube. Maybe I'll post a follow-up if I manage to find more without being distracted...

My Top 10 Least Favorite Christmas Songs

I figure if the Christmas tree is up already, it must be safe to do a Christmas post. I got in trouble last year for not having a Christmas post, so this year I'll do a couple extra to make up for it. I'm going to start with my Top 10 absolute least favorite "Christmas" songs of all time. Let me first start off with a disclaimer; there is probably a better-than-even chance I'll end up listing one or more of your favorites, so as delicately as I can say it, I extend to you a heart-felt "Get over it!"

Every year I dread the Christmas productions, school plays, etc. because the music really annoys me. And for the record, putting the word "Christmas" into the lyrics doesn't necessarily make it a Christmas song. I submit George Michael's "Last Christmas" (and all subsequent covers/remixes) as Exhibit A.

10. Anything, and I do mean anything, by Dolly & Kenny

Granted, I'm not a country music fan to begin with, but they could be singing Handel's Messiah and it would still make me want to stick my head in the oven and crank it up. The warbling, the country twang (which is SO endearing at the best of times)... it's just too much for me.

9. The Twelve Days of Christmas

For a song which so repeatedly mentions Christmas, this one really has nothing to do with it. I side with The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes on this one when they wrote, "that the[se] lines survive today... [is] an irreligious travesty."

8. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

It started out as a country song, so right away loses points in my book.

7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Or, "The Stalker Song". Encouraging children to behave because an old man can see them when they sleep or while they're awake. In today's society, that's borderline pedophilia.

6. Jingle Bells

Do you know why this traditional Christmas song has no mention of Christmas at all in any of its five verses? Because it was originally written for Thanksgiving. A minister named James Pierpoint wrote the song in 1857 for the children in his Boston Sunday School's Thanksgiving celebration. Let's give this one back to Thanksgiving, shall we? Granted, it has as much to do with Thanksgiving as it does with Christmas.

5. Jingle Bell Rock

This one is even more annoying. Is it any wonder why the spirit and meaning of Christmas is being lost when so many of the songs associated with the holiday actually have nothing to do with it??

4. Deck the Halls

At least this one hints around Christmas by mentioning the Yule tide carols and season. Aside from the fleeting reference, it seems devoid of any other redeeming qualities.

3. Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer

An American advertising executive wrote a poem for the department store Santa to give away to kids in the mid- to late 1940's. It turned out to be a big success and was later put to music and recorded by Gene Autry. It mentions Christmas Eve, but somehow singing about a picked-on mutant reindeer doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit.

2. Frosty the Snowman

I challenge anyone to tell me why this should be a Christmas song. Go ahead... I dare you. This one was actually written after the success of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, trying to cash in on some of Rudolf's popularity. Sadly, it worked and now we have intentionally commercialized "Christmas" songs which have nothing to do with Christmas.

1. Winter Wonderland

This one probably bugs me the most, as it combines my hatred of winter with my contempt for non-Christmas Christmas songs. Why is it even considered a Christmas song? It talks about snow, building snowmen, and freezing your nose. What does that have to do with Christmas?! Freezing my nose (or anything else) doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit. I'd be ecstatic with the opportunity to celebrate Christmas in a warmer climate.

You're Kidding, Right?

I checked into the hotel at about 10:30 last night and there was a new guy at the desk. I must admit I've been a bit spoiled being recognized as I walk in and having the check-in half done before I even get to the desk. I even had to show my photo ID this time... Why do you care? You probably don't, but if I don't set the stage then what happened when I called the front desk this morning won't have the same impact...

Me: "Can you please send down an ironing board?"

New Guy: "Certainly, I'll send one right away." and he hangs up, I think it's settled and return to my morning routine (mostly email, with a little Facebook thrown in). Had this been the usual front desk staff, the story would've ended here. But no...

45 seconds later, New Guy calls back, "Did you check in the closet?"

Me: "Did I what??"

NG: "Did you check in the closet for the ironing board?" I heard you the first time, I just wanted to make sure you really thought I was that dumb.

Me: "Yes. I checked in the closet for the ironing board." This isn't my first trip to the circus, Skippy. I've stayed in my fair share of hotel rooms. Know what they ALL have had in common so far? The frikkin ironing board has been in the frikkin closet! Now I'm curious to know where you think I was looking. If Rhys had been looking, the ironing board could've been in the middle of the room wearing a pink tutu doing Lord of the Dance and he would've missed it. Granted, I can't always find what Dawn sends me into the pantry to retrieve, but I am very confident in my ability to find an ironing board in a hotel room.

When he came to the door with the ironing board, he was trying to inconspicuously scan the room to see if I had already found the elusive board which should've already been in my room. He's lucky I didn't smack him with the board he dropped off...