24-hr Walmart

In the past, I held the belief that a 24-hr Walmart would be a great idea. People don't stop needing things just because it's late at night, right? Well, Monday night cured me of that notion.

Let me set the stage... Monday was our staff meeting in Calgary, then Tuesday was the staff meeting in Vancouver, Wednesday was visits to Squamish and Whistler locations with field staff, then fly back on Thursday. Well, in my haste to get on the road Sunday evening, I neglected to pack my electric razor. I don't exactly get the 5:00 shadow by noon, but after a few days it's pretty obvious I haven't shaved yet.

After I get all the post-meeting paperwork completed at about 8:30, and a great dinner (thanks to B&K), it was about 10:40 by the time I got to the Walmart by the office. Electric razor and some socks, hardly an extensive shopping list, I should be in and out and in the hotel sleeping by 11:30 at the latest. My flight leaves at 7:00, so I need to be at the airport by 6:00, so the alarm is set for 5:30.

What I didn't know is that apparently electric razors are considered dangerous because they are locked in the glass display case. The regular blades are freely available, and they don't have to be plugged in first, so this confuses me somewhat. I have an aversion to regular blades as I'm convinced I will bleed to death from all the nicks and cuts. I can cut myself with an electric razor, so I don't feel it would be right to divert the blood bank away from people who really need it.

There are two blue-vested employees standing by the display case, so for a fleeting moment I feel that karma might be on my side this time. What I didn't notice is they were flirting with two customers at the time. Do not ever underestimate the teenaged girl's ability to completely block out all stimuli which could interfere with flirting. Fine, I'll go get socks first then come back. Hopefully by then the hormones will have dissipated.

This was a great idea because by the time I got back with my socks, there was no one to be found in the whole department. I look around and see a congregation of blue vests in the seasonal department. What luck, surely my odds of success must be increased due to the high concentration of staff in one area.

"We're having a meeting right now."

What?!? So sorry for having interrupted your meeting with my burdensome request. By all means, please continue. Here's an idea, if you don't want pesky customers interrupting your meeting, oh.. I don't know... hold it in the back room where customers can't come in!!

I wandered over to electronics because it was the first place I spotted staff.

"I don't work in that department."

Really?? Apparently no one else does either! Could you perhaps use that weird phone thingy and call someone? Seriously, this should not be difficult. Back to the Health & Beauty aisle...

A blue vest walked by and made the mistake of making eye contact and had to deal with me.

"I'll go find the manager with the keys."

Again, these strange phone gizmos might help in that search. Maybe the manager could come to you? Just throwing it out there... Maybe this staff wasn't cleared on using the phone. Her security clearance probably wasn't high enough. I never saw her again to have the chance to ask her the question.

Then the meeting in Seasonal got out and all kinds of blue vests came past. One of them also offered to find the manager. I could suggest a few topics for their next staff meeting. Having worked at Walmart several years ago, I'm sure I could remember how to use the intercomm system. Anyhow, the second staff to look for this elusive manager soon became MIA. I was afraid to ask anyone else in fear that eventually I'd run out of staff as they all seem to disappear.

The most help I got all evening was from one of the stocking crew who had been watching. She called over to another staff member from half-way across the store (bless her heart, I could tell she was one to get results) and flagged them down. While this guy turned out to be A manager, he wasn't THE manager with the key to this top-security display case. He went to go get the other manager and I wanted to warn him that no one apparently returns from that quest.

Long story short, no one in the entire building had a key to the cabinet. They checked the customer service department where the keys are kept. They checked with managers. They checked with the red vests (who apparently have a higher rank than the blue vests). American nuclear launch codes are more readily accessible than the keys to this cursed display cabinet. It's only about 11:50 by this time, no real rush...

Finally, this saint of a woman stocking shelves went to the back room, found an unopened case and opened it to get my razor. I thanked her profusely and headed to the checkout lines.

One of my favorite features of Walmart is the self-checkout system. It's so much easier to be able to scan in my own items. Did you know that they section off the self-checkout lanes at night? True story. Did you also know that at 11:55, they close ALL the lanes until 12:01 so they can close the day and open a new one?

The line keeps getting bigger as we wait for the TWO tellers to get the green light to open their lanes again. The line at this time is going up the aisle towards the electronics section, but they can only handle two checkout lanes. The guy in front of me apparently heard there is an upcoming shortage on milk so he filled his cart with 4L jugs. Good, that won't take any time to scan in. Just count the jugs, scan one in and Quantity Over-ride the rest. No. She has to scan them all individually.

I have seen glaciers move faster than the staff at the tills. It was 12:20 before I walked out to my car, having been thoroughly beaten and battered by karma's cruel sense of humor. Sleep is so over-rated...

New Toy

I've been thinking about picking up a netbook for a while now. With all the traveling I do, it would be a lot more convenient packing around a 2.5lb computer as opposed to a full-sized laptop. Well, we took the plunge yesterday and picked one up. I have to say, I'm very impressed with it.

The Acer Aspire One D150 (we got the black one). It has a 1.6ghz Intel Atom processor, 1GB RAM (which may not sound like much, but I haven't really seen any performance issues), 160GB hard drive (which is twice what my work laptop has), 3 USB ports, a 5-in-1 memory card reader, and a 10.2" screen. There is a built-in 10/100 network port as well as 802.11b/g wireless with a switch on the front to enable or disable. It also has a built-in webcam and microphone, which is very impressive. The kids & I set up a Skype video call from the computer room to the dining room. I'm sure Alexander Bell wasn't as impressed with his phone as the kids were that they could see me on the computer. Now we can try video calls when I'm traveling.

The keyboard is a bit smaller, as you'd expect on a netbook. I'm still getting used to the left shift key and the enter key... they have two "\" keys where my fingers naturally go for Shift and Enter. The sound is surprisingly good considering the little mini speakers. Getting around the lack of optical drive is workable. So far I just copy the install CD onto a flash drive or my portable hard drive, then plug it into the USB port.

Some of the reviews I've read have come down pretty hard on the poor touchpad. I think it's good. It blends right in with the rest of the keyboard frame and isn't so sensitive that the mouse jumps around the screen every time you accidentally brush it with your thumb.

I haven't tested out the battery yet, but it is supposed to last for about 3 hours, which should last for most of my flights. I'm going to Calgary on Wed/Thur and Vancouver on Friday, so I'll have a good chance to field test it. I'm most excited about taking it on the plane with me. I've had Franklin planners bigger than this...

Parent of the Year Award

While I was working today, I heard a news report on the radio that made me quite upset. Let me preface this by saying I am not a perfect parent by any means. My temper comes out too often and too quickly when I deal with my kids, something I should really work on.

On to the story... There is a search for a missing 13-yr-old girl in the area, which by itself is cause for concern. But wait, it gets worse. Her mother reported her missing yesterday when she didn't hear from her daughter over the weekend. She last saw her daughter on Saturday when she told her mom (brace yourself...) she was going to hitch-hike to a nearby town approx. 50KM away, only about a 25-30 minute drive down the TransCanada highway.

Forget for a moment that the temperatures over the weekend were around -15°C to -20°C (that's 5°F to -5°F for anyone not onboard with Celsius) before the windchill factor, meaning any exposed skin would freeze in about 10-20 minutes. As a parent, what in the freakin' flames of Hades goes through your brain as you let your 13-yr-old daughter hitchhike her way between towns?!? And what was she wearing? According to the police report, she is "believed to be wearing blue or red tights, a red hooded sweatshirt and running shoes." Very appropriate clothing considering the weather.

I look back at my childhood and try to imagine what would've happened if I had just told my parents I was going to hitchhike from Raymond to Magrath (10 min) or even Stirling (5 min), let alone a 30-min drive. I can guarantee that scene would not have ended with me leaving the house.

Well, police now suspect the girl may have run off to Vancouver or Medicine Hat with a teenaged boy. I sure hope her mom had an insanely good reason to let her daughter go out, thinking she was going to hitch hike. I'm also sure it came as a complete surprize to mommy dearest that her little girl is off with a boy. What possesses a parent to let their kids do something so blatantly and asininely stupid? I could be wrong, but I really don't feel there is an excuse under heaven that would justify letting your child out under those conditions.

Do I LOOK Like a Freakin' People Person?!?

What is it about close proximity that makes people feel compelled to start up inane conversations? It would be different if I had chosen to sit next to you on the plane, but when we don't really have a choice, what social protocol dictates that you ramble on about everything that comes to mind? I don't want to hear about your political views, how much money you lost in your investments, how you feel about the weather, or comments on how attractive the local women are (or aren't). When I have my iPod in hand with one earphone in place already and am just waiting for the flight attendant to either give the announcement it is now safe to use approved electronic devices or to look the other way before I put in the other earphone, this is NOT my invitation to you to engage in pointless conversation.

On the way back from San Diego, the guy next to me went on for five minutes about how it was okay for the flight attendants to make jokes during their announcements, but pilots shouldn't do it (this really upset him apparently). On and on about how pilots have more important things to do than to be thinking of their next joke. Get a grip buddy...

Yesterday on the way to Vancouver, I had my laptop bag with me. I got it at a Subway convention, so naturally it has the Subway logo on it. I expect a certain number of the obvious "do you work for Subway?" questions, even the occassional "do you know Jared?" but this time it was "is that Subway like the restaurants, or subway like the trains?" Seriously?!?

"It's subway the trains. I love trains. I took engineering in university, but dropped out after the first semester when I realized it had nothing to do with trains."

For the love of baby seals everywhere, just stop talking to me when I'm trying so hard to ignore you. To paraphrase Dilbert, "I'm not antisocial, I'm anti idiot..."

Dead Man Walking

...okay, not so much dead as really really tired. The only thing I despise more than trying to find a parking spot at the airport is trying to sleep the night before a morning flight. Not because of excitement or anticipation, but because for some reason my subconscious decides to jump into overdrive. Like last night...

I went to bed just after my 10PM phone call with Dawn, followed by channel surfing. I set the hotel alarm for 5:30 (have to be at the airport by 6:45), set the alarm on my Palm TX as a back-up (because nothing says good morning like Darth Vader's theme song), then tried to go to sleep. FYI, Mythbusters is not conducive to sleep. The good news is that I did fall asleep during whatever stupid movie I stumbled across. The bad news is that I woke up a few minutes later, thanks to the jet turbine engine cleaverly disguised as the room's heater. My brain decided that was a nap so it was sometime after 1AM before I really went to sleep again.

Some time during the 4.5 hours of sleep, I had a dream in which I reset my alarm to 5:45 AM, and it was uncharacteristically vivid too. It was also very disturbing, not just because I was actually dreaming of an extra 15 minutes of sleep, but because that would really throw off my schedule. Then the real alarm went off, and I stumbled around the room with all the grace of a cheesy sci-fi movie zombie (that's probably redundant, not like there are several classes of zombie movies).

That wonderful experience set the stage for my love affair with long lines and stupid people in said lines. Apparently, Thursday mornings are when everyone decides to fly to the US. The line for customs stretched back past the duty-free shop and almost out to the check-in terminals. I was in line for about 10 minutes when a lady and her three-year-old daughter (just guessing on the age) cut into the line ahead of me. Curse you, social filter!! Were it not for you I could've offered to show her where the line started, since she didn't have her dog or cane with her.

Another thing that really chaps my hide is a parent who has absolutely no grasp of basic behavioral psychology and who gets steamrolled by a three-year-old. Cut-in lady was apparently the author of the book "Stop, or I'll say 'Stop' Again!" Let me illustrate with an example...

After she let her husband and other daughter (probably 6) cut in with her (and why not really), 3yr dropped her candy on the floor. 6yr picked it up and gave it to her dad. 3yr proceeds to pitch a fit as though someone was trying to do dental work with pliers and a Dremel without the luxury of freezing. Mother of the year says, "Just give it to her, it can't be that dirty." And dad, who left his spine in his other purse, gives 3yr the candy. Not a clean one out of the bag he was holding, but the wet sticky one he quickly brushed off to make sure it didn't have a hairball or anything. ("Dallas, if you don't have less on, you have...?" -kudos to anyone who can name that movie reference)

And speaking of morons, here's a quick travel tip I got from impatient lady in front of me in the security line (not to be confused with line-cutting mother of the year). If you want things to move faster, simply mention to the security officers that your plane takes off in twenty minutes. That serves as a friendly reminder that you are important and, unlike everyone else in line, you have better places to be while at the same time letting them know it's really their fault you are going to miss your flight. Your security officers will doubtlessly appreciate these reminders, as they did this morning. It's at times like this when I really want to make sure they know I'm not with stupid. "I heard her bet a friend $20 you wouldn't find the little plastic bag she hid before she got in line, something about needing rubber gloves... I didn't quite catch it all, just thought you should know."

Yikes...

You know what isn't conducive to a fitness routine? Excessive business travel. Since Feb 1st, I have been in Calgary for almost 4 days, and Vancouver for 3 days, leaving me at home for 3 days. I started out so well too, my first week was going great then my fitness train derailed. I know I have to kick myself back on track, but I find myself wiped out by the time I get home.

Let me illustrate... yesterday my Lego order came in (the Republic Fighter Tank). I have been scouring the stores for it since before Christmas, it has been Out of Stock on the Lego website since probably the 2nd day it was listed, I found it on Bricklink and ordered it last week. Well, I was so tired I only got about 40% of it done before Dawn pointed out that falling asleep while building Lego may not be productive.

Most of the time, the hotels have a fitness room. The photo below is of the "exercise room" at the Best Western in Coquitlam, BC. Yah, two stairmasters and an exercise bike from the late-70s/mid-80s. The picture doesn't really do it justice... the stairs go down to the first level, and I'm standing at the doors to the 2nd level hallway. It's like the maintenance guy got them up to the landing and decided he didn't want to take them any further.

Adding to the ambiance is the mirrored wall just outside the photo on the right, and the mirrored ceiling. Nothing says motivation like seeing your reflection as you collapse on the stairmaster. All the while trying to ignore the guests as they try to ignore you on the way to their rooms (if you're on the 2nd floor, you don't have a choice but to walk past).

"Mommy, why is that man crying?"
"Shh, it's rude to point, Timmy."

I figured it would be best to spare everyone the awkward moment. Anyhow, I know I need to get back in gear and get going. It doesn't get easier the longer I wait. I just need to make sure my hotel in Edmonton next week (3 nights) has a real fitness room...

My progress so far...

After setting my goal to run the 10KM in June, we left town for two weeks which really does wonders for a fitness routine. Now that we're home again, I sat down and worked out a schedule that takes me up to June 27th (race day). I have it all on an Excel file (4 tabs, including cool little graphs to show my progress on my Saturday "weigh-ins", calculation cells to project my weekly targets...). This is one of the side-effects when a computer geek decides to get physically active. Some who read this will say I'm much more than a computer geek. There's Star Wars geek, Trek geek, Lego geek,...

For my aerobic training, I'm going to alternate running and walking days. I walked two miles tonight and tomorrow I'll see if I can still run a mile (that was back in July, so my expectations aren't really high right now).

For my strength training, I borrowed an idea from the Perfect Push-up workout where you do 3 or 4 sets with decreasing reps in a 2-minute period. For example, if your max reps at a specific weight was 10, you would do 8 reps, rest momentarily, then 6 reps, rest, 4 reps, rest, 2 reps. You end up doing 10 more reps than you normally would have done, which is really handy for things like push-ups (or leg presses on the Bowflex) when you can't easily add more weights or resistance. If your max is 20 reps, then you would do 14, 10, and 6 in two minutes. I'd like to say it has been more effective for me, but this is Day 2 and right now all I can say is "ouch". I've never been one to bulk up, it's just not in my genetic make-up. I wouldn't mind getting some tone back though.

One of my other efforts (not really a goal) is that I have been mostly carbonation-free for a month now. It probably shouldn't be so hard, but that could have sometihng to do with the fact my beverage of choice was Barq's Rootbeer (sweet, sweet nectar). So, to combat the withdrawal pains, I'm drinking more juice now. I know I should drink more water, but it gives me kidney pains (which I should probably have checked out someday). I'm trying to ease my way back on the water wagon, hoping it will hurt less. I choose to think of it as my body's way of saying I should drink something with actual flavor in it. The Slimfast & ice cream milkshakes help too, mostly because that's the only way I can swallow the horse pills someone is trying to pass off as multi-vitamins. I've seen my grandpa force-feed smaller pills to his dairy cows. Each morning I stare at the vitamin in my hand, wishing I had one of those long metal "thingies" they use to force the pill down the cow's throat.