Stupid Tech Support

On Sunday morning I found out I had a problem with my router, so I called the Telus tech support line. "Due to a higher than normal call volume, your wait time is expected to be... Thirty... Five... minutes" (if you are always on hold for at least 30 minutes, wouldn't that be a normal call volume?). I was about ready to strangle someone. Not because I was on hold for so long, but because of their stupid recurring message announcement. Every 3-4 minutes some lady's voice comes on to say I could avoid long hold times by checking out the tech support section on the Telus website. I really believe this is the sort of idiocy that pushes otherwise normal people into becoming serial killers. If I could connect to the internet to review the tech support materials you have so conveniently posted online, I wouldn't be calling!! Telus is the flaming service provider, people don't call the tech support line just to chat with the friendly customer service agent on the other end. We phone because we can't get onto the internet.

It didn't help my frustration level when Joe Helpful starts talking to me like I've never seen a computer before (I shouldn't complain too loudly, at least he spoke English). Let me tell you what I've done so far, Sparky. I used the command prompt in Windows to release and renew my IP address, didn't work. I unplugged the router and connected the computer straight to an old DSL modem and the internet works. Unfortunately I have three other computers in the house which need the internet as well.

Einstein has me turn off the router for about 30 seconds, then turn it back on to see if that works. Nope.

Then the genius tells me that it must be a problem with my computer. I remind him if that were the case, the other 3 computers connected to the router wouldn't be having the same problem.

I have to check the status board to see if there are any problems on this end. It should only take 15 minutes, and I'll phone you back.

Thirty minutes later...

Hmmm, we'll have to send you out a new modem.

I have an extra one right here, and I STILL get the same problem. So, either you sent me two defective modems (in retrospect, not that far out of the realm of possibility... this is Telus after all) or the problem might be on your end somewhere.

If the new one doesn't work, we'll have to send out a technician.

Oh good, it's not like I need the internet at all. I only live about 2.5 hours away from my office and need use the internet to connect to the shared office network, not to mention all the business email. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not overly thrilled about being down for "3-4 open business days".

And they wonder why I get cranky when Telus calls to see if I want to subscribe to digital TV. I have an idea, why don't you get your phone/internet departments working properly before you start branching out into other areas... just throwing it out there.

Resume Do's and Don'ts

Due to some very stressful circumstances at work, I am in the process of hiring another staff member. This has been a very interesting experience so far. This isn't the first time I've had to go through the selection process, but for some reason this time around seems to be more involved.

Anyhow, I thought I'd give some quick pointers to people out there who may be looking for a job. Think of this as an opportunity to learn from the stupidity of others. Remember, all these examples are from resume submissions I have received over the course of the last week and have not been embelished. I'll leave out the names to protect the clueless...

1. When you email your resume to your potential employer, don't broadcast it to five different employers at the same time. Ideally, the resume you prepare for a consulting job would be different than one intended for a hospital position, or one in city administration. If you're too lazy to send five individual emails, I'm too lazy to read your resume. Delete.

2. When you email your resume, try to use a common format, such as MS Word, .RTF, or even HTML. Pick something as close to universal as you can find. If your potential employer replies asking for a specific format, don't just resend the attachment in the original format. I can tell that it still won't open. I have to fire staff who can't follow directions, so I am not likely to hire someone who lacks that ability from the onset. Don't think of it as me hitting the delete button, think of it as being pre-emptively fired.

3. For the love of all things pure and holy, do not send your prospective employer one of those "pass-along" emails. You know the ones... you're the 40th person to receive the email, the email is 27 pages long because no one knows how to trim out all the accumulating headers and to just forward the actual content, everyone's email addresses are listed just waiting to be harvested for spam... I'm going to delete it and take my chances that my luck is going to go bad within the next 15 minutes. I'm just crazy that way. Your resume will "accidentally" get deleted with it. Not sure how that works, but it does.

4. Know the position for which you are applying. If you send me a cover letter stating you're perfectly suited for the medical receptionist position, I'm not going to take you seriously for the position of Business Consultant. I suppose I should thank you for saving me the time of actually reading your resume.... Delete.

5. Read the details of the job posting. When it says travel is required, don't ask me if it would be possible to stay in-town so you can watch your child(ren). When it says this is a full-time position, don't tell me you're only available in the evenings because you are in school full-time. Delete. Delete. Delete...

**Added Oct 7** 6. When the posting says travel is required, don't ask if that means during the winter as well. This is Alberta, Princess. Chances are quite high that you'll be driving in snow for most of the year, deal with it. Delete.

Anyhow, we'll see if the actual interview process fairs any better than the resume submissions. On the bright side, a trained chimpanzee would do a better job than the staff I've had to fire...

What's the Number for the Fashion Police??

One of my hobbies is taking photos of people. Stupid people mostly. Unfortunately, most of them are work-related, so I can't share them with the world in general (although they are usually fun at staff meetings). It's too bad, because there have been some real doosies...

I think one of the more serious plights in our society, which often goes overlooked, is the startling lack of full-length mirrors. People of all ages seem to suffer the same affliction. Without a full-length mirror, how are people supposed to know that they look like their wardrobe was arranged by a seeing eye dog? Sure, Lassie does a great job letting you know little Timmy is stuck in the well or that terrorists are conspiring to kidnap the boyscout troop, but I wouldn't let her pick out my clothes.

Anyhow, I took this photo while waiting in the security line at the airport on Friday morning. Try to imagine for a second the thought process that must have taken place... She pulls out two or three different outfits, spends five or ten minutes deliberating on which one she really wants to wear, and this is what she decided on...


REALLY?!? How bad were the ones she decided not to wear?? I've made no secret of the fact I'm not on any best-dressed lists anywhere, but I don't recall a time when any of these components were in style. She looks like Richard Simmons got in a fight with RuPaul. I should be careful because someone could read this and get offended because they have the same outfit in their closet too. If this is the case, I apologize. Just let me know where I can send you your full-length mirror...