Once Every 15 Years...

...is apparently BAD when you're talking about visits to the dentist. I figured the whole "every six months" rule was just so the dentists could have more job security, but apparently there might be some wisdom behind it.

I was sure he'd either burst out into hysterical laughter or just come in with a pair of pliers and start pulling out my teeth after checking my x-rays. Fortunately, I dodged a bullet this time and only need 3 small-to-medium fillings. I want to take a moment to reassure my dentist friends (especially Chris) that I am a changed man. I already have a tentative appointment booked for May '10, I'm a new convert to the 6-month interval schedule. If for no other reason than to avoid the cleaning process.

I have a theory that the cleaning guy is ex-covert ops who specialized in interrogation and information extraction. I don't know why they even bother saying, "let me know if this hurts" because short of morse code and charades, I was trying to communicate that fact to him any way I could. I'm not a fan of that scraping sound to begin with, but I can still handle the routine cleaning. But I'm pretty sure when the little hook thingy gets snagged on a tooth, the answer is not to pull harder. I'm sure he was bracing his knee against the counter for extra leverage so he could get more force behind him. I just about handed him the arm rests from the padded chair (which is not designed for people taller than ewoks). It felt like he was trying to remove my tooth with his cleaning hook. I kept trying to tell him I didn't have any information worth killing me for, but it just came out as 'ahghhghghghhaaahhghgh'... I felt like Han Solo in Empire Strikes Back when the stormtroopers brought him back to his cell after torturing him. "He didn't even ask me any questions..."

Then, if the physical trauma wasn't enough, he went for the guilt and said it was a good thing his next appointment cancelled so he could get everything done in one sitting. I get it, come in more often, point taken.

Now a question for my friends in the dental profession (Chris, Raph, Paul, Jon... ). What is it about having your patient's mouth stuffed full of dental instruments and your fingers that makes you want to carry on a conversation? Seriously, I can see the standard yes/no questions which could be answered by a simple head nod or "blink once for yes, twice for no", but I really don't think I'm in a position to comment on current events or whatever story is on CNN at the time. Unless you give me a text-to-speech keyboard, I'm just not going to be able to keep up my half of the conversation.

And what's the point of putting a TV screen in the ceiling if your head is right there the whole time?

When it was done, he sent me up to the reception desk and they gave me a toothbrush and the bill. I wanted to ask how much it would be without the toothbrush...

Curbing the Addiction

As I drove up to Calgary this morning, I began to realize just how much time I've been wasting online with various facebook games. To be clear, I'm not talking about "there's 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back". No, it was more along the lines of creating Excel spreadsheets to calculate the return on investment for crops planted or upgrades purchased, etc. I even had a spreadsheet that could tell me if the progress meter showed 86% complete on a 6hr crop/ride/upgrade, that meant I have roughly 50 minutes before I have to come back and harvest/build/whatever for the next step. And there's always a next step. Or I could type in 67% on a 4hr project and it would tell me I have 1.32 hours remaining. You get the idea... There was also the time on the farm game where I found out how to overlap the fields and essentially triple the production output.

As I looked back, I saw some common elements between my "addiction-of-the-month" applications. First, they don't have any defined ends to the game. You continue to level up, seemingly without any upper limits. Second, you have to recruit a specific number of friends in order to unlock certain aspects of the game in increasing intervals. Third, when none of your friends want to sign up, you can always go into the discussion forums and post your link to the "Add Me" thread so complete strangers can add you as a facebook friend, allowing you to sign up under each other's group. Fourth, there are always incentives to come back to the game on a frequent and regular basis. I know people who set the alarm on their watch so they would know when to be back home in time to harvest their virtual crops on a farming game... While I never set alarms to remind me my game was ready, I did use Dawn's account to sign up under my character to help me advance in more than one game.

I freely admit my addiction, the most recent being Roller Coaster Kingdom, where you get to design your own amusement park. As you earn more experience points, you unlock new rides and attractions. You also book tours in advance, which bring more visitors to your park, which in turn earns more money and experience. I found myself staying at the computer in the evenings so I could book the tours with the 8hr lead time. That way, when I get up in the morning I'll have new visitors waiting to get into my park (if they wait too long in the parking lot without being admitted, they go away angry and you lose the money you paid to book them). I only had to befriend 18 total strangers in order to have enough neighbors to unlock park expansions and rides.

There was also a medieval adventure game where you complete quests, battle monsters and dragons, etc. When I deleted that one this morning, I had 53 members in my army. Not bad, but I only actually knew about 6 of them. My facebook games purge also resulted in removing about 60 "friends" I had either recruited or accepted from discussion forums. Before that was a futuristic pirate game, another medieval-themed game, a variation of the Sims, and the list goes on to embarrassing lengths.

Now that I've taken out all the games, I have to admit I'm going through application withdrawal. It was routine to log in and do my regular maintenance on the various games, and then check them again after 15 minutes... and again... and again...

I'm hoping to fill the void with actual productive activities. Books to read, personal development time, maybe even come out of the office periodically to see the rest of the house. Baby steps...

Stupid Time Change

I want to know what it is about children that keeps them from sleeping in when they have the opportunity. On school days, it takes the jaws of life and a defibrilator to get them out of bed and moving in the mornings. On weekends, they're up before 6:00 watching TV, which apparently they can't do quietly either.

"I don't want to watch that!"
"Sit down! I can't see the TV!"
"...you get the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS..."

It's not like the good old days when the best cartoons were on Saturday morning. No, they're getting up to watch reruns they've already seen repeatedly (it's a bad sign when I can tell an episode of Hannah Montana, Zoey 101, Zach & Cody, etc. is a rerun).

I don't think I've ever been able to cash in on this fabled "extra hour of sleep" people associate with the time change. I thought for sure after dragging their sorry hides trick-or-treating last night, having to carry two of them in from the van because they were so tired, then forcing them to stay awake while we do rushed showers, they would naturally want to get more sleep. Apparently, that's what I get for doing my own thinking. I heard them up and wandering around at 5:00, then at 5:30 I finally got up to threaten them with bodily harm and sale to wandering gypsies if they couldn't manage to be quiet. There's something about getting up to beat on the children that makes it difficult for me to go back to sleep...