Mixed Results

Anyone who has ever been out to dinner with me knows that if I have time to decide what I want to eat before the server comes for my drink order, that's a really bad sign. Menus are apparently kryptonite to me. I'm sure ancient Egyptian heiroglyphs have been translated faster than the time it takes for me to get through a menu. Even though there's absolutely no chance whatsoever of me actually ordering a salad as a main dish, I still have to look at the salad page. And the pasta page. And the appetizer page... you get the idea. I keep thinking maybe I'll try something new this time, but that never happens. "I'll have the steak sandwich, medium, with the Caesar salad."

Thankfully the food arrived faster than the server. On a scale ranging from 'still moving' to 'burnt offering', isn't medium supposed to still be pink in the middle? Fear of starving to death prevented me from asking if they can uncook it or something so it's less brown and a little more pink inside. Then I started to wonder why do I worry about making the server feel bad if our food isn't done quite right? It doesn't make sense, but most of the time it still stops me from saying anything. It's not like she's going to break down in tears about how I don't appreciate all the work she put into it, or how no one asks how her day is going. All she does is take my order and relay it to the kitchen. Half the time, someone else brings the food out anyway and I don't see my server until she comes back to ask if I want a refill (which, to her credit, she did). So, I quietly ate my more-well-than-medium steak. At least they brought the bread with it. We had one family dinner where I ordered a steak sandwich and had to ask for the bread. "How is it a sandwich without the bread?" Seriously. But that's another story.

Deep down in the scary frightening recesses of my subconscious, I believe 99% of my restaurant selection is based on what I want for dessert. The main course isn't the draw for me. I can get meat anywhere, and I really can't tell the difference between steak or ribs at Montana's, Boston Pizza, etc., but the dessert is the deciding vote. I was in the mood for probably one of the best non-ice cream desserts available, the Chocolate Explosion.

Normally, I'm all about portion size, but this little culinary masterpiece is plenty rich for its size (think Donald Trump as a midget). Moist chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, white chocolate chunks, and a few other excuses to squeeze in more chocolate. Don't judge me, I had the side salad to offset dessert. And yes, that's how it works in my world. I figure the steak is neutral, so the healthy salad cancels out the chocolate. That line of reasoning may be the reason my new pants don't fit...

Rocket Science

I really enjoy going to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. They specialize in two of my favorite foods: burgers, and lots. I tried the regular burger (double patty) on my first visit and found it to be too much, so now I just order the "little" ones (single patty) and still have yet to finish my fries. If you make the mistake of going there during the lunch hour, be prepared to wait in line as it is a popular spot.

Part of the overall experience for me is watching the people while I eat. Not the people in line, those waiting for their food, or those sitting at their tables eating. No, those aren't the fun ones. My favorites are the semi-literate.

If you're not in a hurry one day, sit at a table with a good, unencumbered view of the doors. I guarantee, if you're into people watching, you'll not be disappointed. It may take a few minutes before your first sighting, but if the line is small enough you'll spot someone coming in through the exit door. It's not like these puppies aren't clearly marked with "ENTER" and "EXIT", au contraire.

As you enter, the door on your left is nicely marked "Enter Here".

To your right, you'll find the door marked "Exit Only".

I find it fascinating how many people will use the door marked "Exit", then stand in the middle of the seating area wondering just how to get in the line to order. One perplexed potential patron kept going towards the line, then stopping and going back towards the exit only to stop and go back towards the line. He did this two or three times before finally deciding it was okay to use the exit door as an exit (crazy idea, I know). Some will get upset, not at themselves, but somehow at the restaurant or staff. They'll shoot off a nasty glare towards the staff at the counter before turning around and going out. Sure, like it's their fault you can't read. How do you manage to order off the menu if you can't read the door??

I guess if 5 Guys really wanted to make it idiot-proof, they could just take the handle off the enter-side of the exit door, but where's the fun in that?