My Response to "Modest is Hottest"

Some of you may have seen the blog post from the Confessions of a Teenage Bride website. I've seen it shared on Facebook several times in the last couple of days. If you haven't, you really should go take a look because it's worth the read (find it here).

It's very interesting to read it from the woman's point of view, having tried the less-than-modest approach and comparing the two. There are two things I want to address in response to her article.

First: I hope the girls realize that the same guys who are checking them out as they walk down the school hallways in various degrees of immodest clothes are also making derogatory comments about you when they're alone together. I remember very clearly a time in high school gym class when a group of "popular" guys were in the locker room being very demeaning about a girl, who was part of their group outside the locker room, because of how she dressed. They weren't complaining, but they talked about her with the negative and vulgar associations you'd expect from the minds of grade 10 boys. When I hear the saying, "Dressing immodestly is like rolling around in the mud. You'll get attention, but mostly from pigs" I think of that group of boys. Nice to your face, but they'll use your back as a knife holder.

Second: I can't speak for all guys, I just know what I and the other guys in my group thought and felt. There are still those of us out there who really do think modest is hottest. Unfortunately, they don't make as much noise as the guys who are cheering and leering. Most of the time, because we're guys and have the social graces of a giraffe on roller skates, we don't know how to compliment a girl without coming across as awkward. "Hey, you look good all covered up like that" somehow just doesn't come across as a positive comment. Due to the general maturity level of that age group, if a guy were to express a compliment to a girl, there's a fear that others would see it as romantic intent. It was like that back when I was in school, and probably goes back to when the first boy asked the first girl out on a date. You talked to a girl, therefore you must "like" her.  

Psychologists at Princeton University (the reference escapes me at the moment, when I find it I'll put it in), where a group of men were shown images of "scantily clad" and fully dressed women while being given MRI brain scans (and yes, they did find something in there). When the men viewed photos of fully dressed women, the areas of their brains associated with people and feelings lit up. Researchers found that the less the woman wore in the photo, more of the men's brains associated with objects and tools was active.

Now, before this detours into a discussion of "dress modestly because boys can't control their thoughts", let me stop that train right here. Girls, the point behind modesty is NOT to prevent the walking raging hormones known as boys from having thoughts and urges they can't control. That's a cop-out on the part of the boys. The point to modesty is that you recognize your own worth. You deserve better than to have some guy's brain put you in the same category as it does a hammer or a wrench.

So, back to the original article. I argue that modest really IS hottest. Who cares how the lowest common denominator defines hot? You are worth so much more than that.

My Big Secret

I think it's time I made a confession. I've tried to hide it for a long time, but I figure people are bound to find out eventually anyway and I may as well tell everyone. I am an introvert. There, I said it. Feels good to get that off my chest and not have to live under the deception of a double life. In case you missed it, this is the part where you act shocked and surprised...

Growing up, I thought I was just shy (and I probably had that going for me too). Now I understand myself a bit more and that it's all about where I get, or expend, my energy. I always knew I felt more comfortable with a small circle of very close friends than with a large group of good friends. I really enjoy getting into thought-provoking conversations, which is usually easier with people closest to me. Small talk is emotionally draining and almost painful to me, I've never been good at it and I'd rather actually talk about something than "shoot the breeze".

It gets annoying at work sometimes when I'm expected to mingle and "shmooze" during big events while I just want to eat and get back to my room. Not that I don't like crowds. Crowds are fine, unless I have to interact with parts of the crowd. If I need to clear my head, sometimes I'll go to the mall because it's easy to disappear in the crowd and be alone to think. The kids thought I was crazy last year for going to the mall on Christmas Eve for some quiet time.

I'll talk to people if I have something specific to talk about. I'm sure this comes across as being snobby sometimes, but it really isn't. Snobby would be thinking that I'm too good to associate with anyone else in the room, and that's not the case at all. Being an introvert is more about conserving my energy for interactions I find beneficial.  So rather than use up all my energy with small talk, I usually wander around and listen to other conversations, or just watch other interactions (and not in the creepy stalker way either).

Some people compare it to being in a hamster ball, but since I'm a geek I prefer to think of it as having my shields up. Some would rather beam down to the planet and check things out, while I'd rather stay on the ship and observe. Once I've confirmed that the conditions are favorable, then I'll lower the shields and join the landing party.

And here's a tip for all the extroverts out there, it really doesn't help when you poke the shields. You don't need to tell me that I'm being quiet any more than I need to tell you that you aren't. Being quiet isn't a bad thing, honestly.

Yes, I'm an introvert. I am more comfortable in my head than I am in a crowd. I can be alone in a crowded room, but that doesn't mean I'm lonely. I would rather talk about ideas than the weather. I know how to make friends, I just choose to make a few good ones. I find it much easier to write about what I'm thinking than to verbalize it. Sometimes I will "escape" to my phone just long enough to recharge so I can come back and deal with people again, even people that I really like. I don't understand how someone can be screaming mad and then seem perfectly fine only minutes later. I don't feel compelled to answer the phone when it rings, I may not have the energy to talk to the person on the other end. I don't talk to hear the sound of my own voice. If I'm not taking part in a conversation, it's because I feel I don't have anything to contribute.

Anyhow, my secret is out. I know most of you are shocked and didn't see this coming. I probably should've eased into this rather than just blurting it out like that.