Why We Don't Set Goals

The results of my recent poll were unanimous in favor of goal setting. It didn't take very long to count the votes either, because there was only one. Anyhow, this is something that has always been an interest of mine so I hope someone else out there can gain something from this

Before I jump into the fun of setting goals, I want to start out with reasons why the majority of us don't set goals. I dare say that the vast majority of us know that we should set goals, but studies have shown that less than 3% of us actually have goals which we are working towards achieving. That's a pretty dismal number. As near as I can tell from my own study and observation, all our excuses fall into four categories:

1. Fear
2. Doubt
3. Lack of Ownership
4. Lack of Knowledge

1. Fear
The most obvious fear I think would be the fear of failure. No one wants to fail, so we often retreat from experiences that would stretch us and force us to grow. Somehow, I think if we're honest with ourselves, it's not really failure that we fear. Sure, public speaking may terrify some of you, but in the context of the really important goals, I don't think failure is our biggest worry. Let me explain with a quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles)

Jack Canfield once told a story of a lady in her 50's who was able to lift a car off her grandson who had become trapped underneath. In an interview with him, she said she didn't like talking about the experience because if she was capable of doing that, it would mean she was capable of doing so many other things she "knew" she couldn't do. She later faced her fear, went to college and got her teaching degree to follow a dream she had always felt was beyond her ability.

I truly and firmly believe that on some level this is the fear that holds us back from achieving our growth goals. It's not so much, "What if I fail?" as it is "What do I do if I succeed?" It's illogical at best, but I've seen it often enough to be convinced. Somehow, many of us are more comfortable accepting criticism than success.

2. Doubt
Whether you doubt the goal can be achieved at all, or you doubt your own ability, this is a big stumbling block to many people. We get all excited about setting goals from a book or a lecture, but when reality sets in, we find ourselves wondering if we can ever achieve the goals we've set. Low self-esteem, feedback from others, and social conditioning all tend to impede our progress.

Maxwell Maltz once said, "The most realistic self-image of all is to conceive of yourself as made in the image of God. You cannot sincerely hold this conviction without experiencing a profound new sense of strength and power."

We need to firmly believe that we are worth success, we deserve happiness, and that we have an immeasurable intrinsic value.

3. Lack of Ownership
This is why many corporate goals fail. People at the top get together and decide what the company is going to do, and then they tell the lower ranks what the goals are. But this can also flop on a personal level as well. If you don't seem to be motivated towards a goal, stop to see if it is even your goal. Are you caught in someone else's definition of success? There is a thriving industry built around appearance because society as a whole has bought into the idea of the perfect body or perfect skin.

There is no sense of accomplishment in achieving a goal that belongs to someone else. This is what Stephen Covey refers to as climbing the ladder of success only to find it leaning against the wrong wall.

4. Lack of Knowledge
I'm willing to bet that 95% of the New Year's Resolutions out there would not meet the criteria of being a real goal. Sorry if I burst any bubbles there, but it had to be said. Wishes aren't goals. To-do lists aren't goals. Wants aren't goals. But we treat them as if they were goals and then get discouraged when we don't achieve them. If not done properly, goal setting can be a demotivating process that can almost guarantee not reaching your target.

I want to walk through the process of setting goals. It has been said that the best way to really learn something is to teach someone else. Bear in mind that I'm not doing this because I have perfected goal setting in my own life, but because I need to reinforce what I already know and may not necessarily be doing.