I got back from my trip to Miami yesterday (don't get too excited, it was just a business trip). The meetings were good, the hotel was better than average, and for the most part the catered food was pretty good. It occurred to me while I was down there that I would never really do well in fancy social circles if for no other reason than I would starve to death. I'm sure there are other reasons, but this is the only one I need.
The lunch for day one was pretty straight forward. Some steamed veggies, salad, meat, even little fruit tarts for dessert... stuff I could pronounce and actually recognized. The cocktail reception that night was pretty good too. They had mini-hamburgers, ham, turkey with gravy and dressing. This is stuff I could live on quite easily. I stayed clear of the cheese platter because I didn't see anything that even remotely resembled marble or mozzarella, and that's about as adventurous as I get with cheese.
Enter day two lunch. This one was more formal (food came to us instead of us going through the buffet line). Imagine sitting down at a table and being greeted by this:
The lunch for day one was pretty straight forward. Some steamed veggies, salad, meat, even little fruit tarts for dessert... stuff I could pronounce and actually recognized. The cocktail reception that night was pretty good too. They had mini-hamburgers, ham, turkey with gravy and dressing. This is stuff I could live on quite easily. I stayed clear of the cheese platter because I didn't see anything that even remotely resembled marble or mozzarella, and that's about as adventurous as I get with cheese.
Enter day two lunch. This one was more formal (food came to us instead of us going through the buffet line). Imagine sitting down at a table and being greeted by this:
I wasn't sure what this was, but there wasn't anything on the plate I was about to eat. Apparently, the brown slimy speckled thingy being pinned to the fancy bread (with crunchies in it) by the olive-garnished wooden stake was a mushroom. Mmmm... fungus, my favorite. It reminded me of an alien life form from Star Trek. And the green stuff smeared on the plate, what's with that?? It looked like something pooped on my plate. I could crawl across a barren desert, be within inches of death and that still don't think I could find the desire to eat it. Why do they call it an appetizer if it makes you want to hurl breakfast? Seems counter-productive to me...
The main course was two little pieces of dry chicken and some veggies on the side and a swirl of mashed something-or-other. It's a good thing they had mini garlic bread on the table...
The cocktail reception that night had some good stuff, but you had to look hard for it.
The main course was two little pieces of dry chicken and some veggies on the side and a swirl of mashed something-or-other. It's a good thing they had mini garlic bread on the table...
The cocktail reception that night had some good stuff, but you had to look hard for it.
This stuff was labeled and I still didn't have a clue what it was. Turns out I don't need to know what it is to know I don't want to touch it. "Spoon Bloody Mary Ceviche with Baby Rock Shrimp". I can figure out the spoon and shrimp part, but not too sure what makes it a Bloody Mary. And what the heck is Ceviche anyway?
"Rare Sesame Seared Tuna with Wasabi Mayonnaise". I don't like cooked tuna, so advertising it as rare does absolutely nothing for me. I don't even do my steaks rare. As Grandpa Wynder used to say, "I've seen cows hurt worse that lived." And isn't 'wasabi' the Japanese word for "kill me now because it's burning a hole through my cheek"? I have a freakishly low tolerance for hot spices, so this is definitely off the menu for me. I think that's nature's way of compensating for my immunity to "freezer brain" when eating ice cream. And honestly, if I had to choose between being able to eat hot spices or ice cream, you'll find me curled up with my 2.5 gallon tub of Tiger and a spoon.
I also noticed there is an inverse correlation between the "fancy level" of a restaurant and the portion size of the food. For clarification, fast-food restaurants are excempt from this observation, I'm talking about places which bring the food to you. A good restaurant will give you healthy portions, but an up-scale restaurant brings out servings that could starve a hamster. I can't figure out why people pay so much for so little food.
I guess I just wasn't built for "high society", which is just fine with me. I'm of the opinion that culinary evolution reached its pinacle with steak and potatoes. That's fine dining in my book.
"Rare Sesame Seared Tuna with Wasabi Mayonnaise". I don't like cooked tuna, so advertising it as rare does absolutely nothing for me. I don't even do my steaks rare. As Grandpa Wynder used to say, "I've seen cows hurt worse that lived." And isn't 'wasabi' the Japanese word for "kill me now because it's burning a hole through my cheek"? I have a freakishly low tolerance for hot spices, so this is definitely off the menu for me. I think that's nature's way of compensating for my immunity to "freezer brain" when eating ice cream. And honestly, if I had to choose between being able to eat hot spices or ice cream, you'll find me curled up with my 2.5 gallon tub of Tiger and a spoon.
I also noticed there is an inverse correlation between the "fancy level" of a restaurant and the portion size of the food. For clarification, fast-food restaurants are excempt from this observation, I'm talking about places which bring the food to you. A good restaurant will give you healthy portions, but an up-scale restaurant brings out servings that could starve a hamster. I can't figure out why people pay so much for so little food.
I guess I just wasn't built for "high society", which is just fine with me. I'm of the opinion that culinary evolution reached its pinacle with steak and potatoes. That's fine dining in my book.
2 comments:
Amen!
I'm on my way to McDonald's!
I'll eat vicariously for you while I'm simultaneously eating for two.
Ceviche pronounced Sa-vee-chay is a combo of fish that was marinated in citrus and that is what cooks it. So basically raw fish with spices and citrus. Sounds like your cup-o-tea. BTW I am an avid food network fan and if you want to know anything about the food that you are looking at ask me. I am the gal that you want as a phone-a-friend.
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