Ever since the airline bomb scare a few weeks ago, everyone has been talking about all the increased airport security. I went to the Calgary airport yesterday at 6:00AM so I could be there in time for my 8:00 flight. I stood in line to check in my baggage at the front counter, and when it was finally my turn I found out I'd been standing in the wrong line. This was the line for direct-to-USA flights. That counter over there was the one for connecting flights, such as mine. Yah, that one with absolutely no line whatsoever. That would be the one.
I have to say Canadian security was business as usual, and I inadvertently discovered that my Bluetooth earpiece can go through the scanner with me without setting off the alarm. 6:35 AM, great... now I only have an hour to kill before boarding. Weehee.
Fast-forward a few hours and I'm in Toronto picking up my luggage at the US-connections gate. Went through customs and then off to the security screening. I was a little nervous when I saw the full-body imaging machine, but it wasn't being used so I relaxed (they may have still been installing it, judging by the way it was all blocked off). Took off my shoes and took the laptop out of the bag, and US security wasn't any worse than Canadian security. They did run the little swab-thingy on my laptop, but they've done that on the Canadian side too. All the hype must've been for nothing.
I still have about 20 minutes before boarding, so I make my way down to the wing where my departure gate is. Then I saw this:
Two words which bring joy and laughter to air travelers everywhere...
Oh good, this should be fun... and look, my turn already. I made my way over to the table and had to take my laptop out and turn it on again while a security agent went through the contents of my laptop bag. I think she was impressed by the Star Wars cover on my DS and the blue lightsaber stylus. That's cool no matter where you live...
Meanwhile, her partner was putting on a fresh pair of rubber gloves. The blue ones, that's nice. I hear they don't rub as bad as the white ones do. Fortunately for me it's just a pat-down. As he spends a little too much time at second base, two thoughts go through my mind. First, I REALLY need to do more push-ups because I seem to be getting a little soft in the upper chest. And second, the reason they're not using the imaging scanner back there is because go-go Gadget Hands here enjoys his job far too much. I don't know much about dating in the East Indian culture, but here in the west there's usually a dinner involved before moving on to this much fondling. I understand the need for security, but could you at least not smile so much while you're frisking me?
When he was done and she gave me the go-ahead to put my laptop away, I really wanted to say something smart, but decided against it. I complain sometimes about my social filter getting in the way, but this time I'm pretty sure it saved me from the "private screening" room. Besides, he probably hasn't seen Fletch and would've missed references about Dr. Jellyfingers or Moon River. I, on the other hand, found it a little humorous.
I really wanted to ask if I should bring anything when I come through again on Monday... Maybe a Barry White CD? Flowers?
I have to say Canadian security was business as usual, and I inadvertently discovered that my Bluetooth earpiece can go through the scanner with me without setting off the alarm. 6:35 AM, great... now I only have an hour to kill before boarding. Weehee.
Fast-forward a few hours and I'm in Toronto picking up my luggage at the US-connections gate. Went through customs and then off to the security screening. I was a little nervous when I saw the full-body imaging machine, but it wasn't being used so I relaxed (they may have still been installing it, judging by the way it was all blocked off). Took off my shoes and took the laptop out of the bag, and US security wasn't any worse than Canadian security. They did run the little swab-thingy on my laptop, but they've done that on the Canadian side too. All the hype must've been for nothing.
I still have about 20 minutes before boarding, so I make my way down to the wing where my departure gate is. Then I saw this:
Oh good, this should be fun... and look, my turn already. I made my way over to the table and had to take my laptop out and turn it on again while a security agent went through the contents of my laptop bag. I think she was impressed by the Star Wars cover on my DS and the blue lightsaber stylus. That's cool no matter where you live...
Meanwhile, her partner was putting on a fresh pair of rubber gloves. The blue ones, that's nice. I hear they don't rub as bad as the white ones do. Fortunately for me it's just a pat-down. As he spends a little too much time at second base, two thoughts go through my mind. First, I REALLY need to do more push-ups because I seem to be getting a little soft in the upper chest. And second, the reason they're not using the imaging scanner back there is because go-go Gadget Hands here enjoys his job far too much. I don't know much about dating in the East Indian culture, but here in the west there's usually a dinner involved before moving on to this much fondling. I understand the need for security, but could you at least not smile so much while you're frisking me?
When he was done and she gave me the go-ahead to put my laptop away, I really wanted to say something smart, but decided against it. I complain sometimes about my social filter getting in the way, but this time I'm pretty sure it saved me from the "private screening" room. Besides, he probably hasn't seen Fletch and would've missed references about Dr. Jellyfingers or Moon River. I, on the other hand, found it a little humorous.
I really wanted to ask if I should bring anything when I come through again on Monday... Maybe a Barry White CD? Flowers?
4 comments:
Wow, good times. Makes me want to never fly again.
thanks, Gary, that was hilarious. My first laugh of the day. Oh yeah today's work-day ... maybe my only laugh of the day.
I needed a laugh today-thanks for sharing!
Dinner Gary?? Really? Maybe a milkshake, you didn't even play hard to get..
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