You Know You Travel Too Often When...

...you check into your hotel room and find this

Yes, it's a census form. "If this location is your only residence in Canada..." No, this isn't my only residence. I really do have a home, honest! Just because it seems I'm hardly ever there doesn't mean the government has to track me down at the hotel. Just because:
-I can walk into the lobby and they hand me my room key on sight...
-I don't have to specify "no housekeeping" when I stay for two nights or longer, the staff already know it's a standing request
-The front desk staff knows when I use a new credit card
-Dawn walks out of the bedroom and gets mauled by the kids, I come home after three or four days on the road and get a "hi" from whoever is sitting on the couch

I don't think those are valid reasons to start having my mail forwarded to room 403.

Come to the Dark Side, We Have Milkshakes

I don't go to McDonald's very often any more, but I might start going a little more regularly now. Lemme e'splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up...

First of all, my former milkshake connection went and did something stupid. Not to be outdone by the new mini-Blizzard, DQ went and downsized their milkshake line up. "Just Right" my flabby tush!!

The milkshake they proudly flaunt at $2.99 is the 12oz small. Twelve ounces. 354mL. To me, that's a shot glass. Come back when you're serious. They took the medium cup, called it a large. The small is now medium, and they had to make up a new small because they didn't have anything that small before the change. Sure, "extra large available upon request". It just frosts me that I have to pay extra to get the cup I was getting before. The new large is around $5 and they don't even put the pricing up for the extra large. I want a job with DQ marketing. Apparently their advertising exec's don't have to be in touch, and get paid to go around making things smaller. Don't think I didn't notice the cones getting smaller. The minute you downsize the Peanut Buster Parfait will be the last time I walk through your doors. I'm not sure why you think "riDQulous" is a positive thing...

What does this have to do with McDonald's? Well, their large milkshake is still a large and costs $3.99. A large for the price of a medium at DQ (which used to be the small). Listen up DQ, my loyalty is only as strong as the best ice cream supply. When I can get more product for a lower price, then adios amigo. You are this close to being on my list, which is not a fun place to be. Just ask Futureshop... Okay, I'm not dilusional enough to think my shopping preferences have any effect, but it makes me feel better.

One day, I'll realize it's cheaper to buy my own ice cream and make the milkshakes/ blizzards at home, and I'll get more too.

Another Survey from Facebook

Every once in a while I feel sarcastic enough to take the time to fill out these facebook surveys...

Name: Gary Hamon
Birthday: yes, every year
Do you replace the toilet paper if you use the last piece?: Yes
Birthplace: Hospital
How many pairs of shoes do you have?: 3-4
Current Location: Downstairs in the office
Eye Color: Blue.
Do you weigh yourself often?: No
Hair Color: Brown
Can you tie a cherry stem in your mouth?: No, I can never seem to get my fingers in far enough
Do you dye your hair?: No
Height: 6'6"
Do you laugh aloud by yourself?: If something is funny
Right or Left handed?: Right
Biggest weakness: Needles. Needles and blood. Needles and blood and kryptonite
What is your favorite movie and why?: Star Wars, Star Trek, Princess Bride, Bourne Trilogy, Serenity,...
Biggest fear: I have a recurring dream where I find out at the final exam I had another class I didn't know about and never attended.
Do you take daily medications?: Does ice cream count??
Your perfect pizza: BBQ Chicken. Or Hawaiian.
What is the best thing you can cook?: Toast. Cereal (although technically I don't actually cook it).
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Time travel
Do you have any OCD habits?: Straightening the twisted cords on hotel irons.
Your most overused word or phrase on a messenger: Cool
Do you test the water or dive straight in?: Jump in, how cold could it be anyway...
Thoughts first waking up: What day is it??
Would you peek in someone else's medicine cabinet?: Depends, do they have anything good?
Your best physical feature: ear hair
Do you chew straws?: Only if I've eaten everything else
Your bedtime: what time is it now?
Do you iron your clothes?: Shirts, unless I'm wearing a suit coat.
Number of hours of sleep per night: not enough
What was your favorite childhood toy?: Lego
Favorite Drink: Milk, juice, root beer (trying to cut back)
Can you do the splits?: With bananas and ice cream
Favorite Food: Ribs, pizza, burgers, steak, potatoes, whatever else Dawn makes...
Can you keep a secret?: Yes, let me tell you a few :)
Favorite Restaurant: DQ, A&W, 5 Guys, Montana's, Tony Roma's...
Favorite Ice Cream: Tiger, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookies & Cream
Do you drink?: See "Favorite Drink" above...
Do you smoke?: If I'm on fire...
Do you do drugs?: Just ice cream. I can't seem to find any tiger's blood.
Do you like to sing?: Meh
Do you like to dance?: Not so much
Describe yourself in three words: Tall, dark, and handsome :)
Do you believe in yourself?: Pretty sure I exist
As a kid who did you look up to?: Taller people
What did you want to be when you "Grew up"?: A Jedi
What do you do for a living?: Work
Do you like the rain?: The warm kind
Do you like Thunderstorms?: Yes
What's your fondest memory?: That one time, with those people... I don't recall the specifics
Have you ever shoplifted?: When I was about four, my mom made me take it back into the store though.
Do you have any tattoos?: No
Do you have any piercings?: No
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?: Does a cruise ship count?
When is the last time you went on a road trip?: Define road trip...
What is one thing you refuse to eat?: Bugs. Multi-grain pasta.
What's your birthstone?: Huh??
What's your Zodiac sign?: "Out of Order"
What year did you graduate high school?: 1991
Do you have any scars?: Yes
What kind of car do you have?: 2010 Chev Equinox
What kind of car would you like to have?: Corvette
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: Dawn
Do you like cartoons?: Clone Wars :)
What's your favorite smell?: Food
What do you do while you're driving?: My taxes, pythagorean theorum... the usual.
What's your favorite store to shop in?: The Lego Store, Toys R Us...
Do you believe in Karma?: She's my cousin, well 2nd cousin
What's your favorite number?: Whatever wins me the $43 Million on LottoMax
What's your favorite sport?: Like to play volleyball. Will have to start watching football soon if Rhys keeps going...
Have you ever lived in a different province?: Tried BC for a while, lived in Pennsylvania too.
Where would you like to live?: Somewhere warm
Are you a fast typer?: Compared to...??
Are you listening to music right now?: Yes
When were you the saddest in your life?: Any time we run out of ice cream
What does your CD player have in it right now?: What are these CD's of which you speak?? How old is this survey?
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: Why/how would I be a crayon??
What is your middle name?: Danger. Trouble. Mud. Depends on who's calling for me...
If you could change anything in your past what would it be?: Find the Caramilk secret. Or the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs & spices.
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Anyone who says eyes is lying. Neither of the genders is genetically imprinted that way...
What's your favorite color?: Green. Or Red.
What's your biggest pet peeve?: Poor grammer. Stupidity.
Do you like the ocean? Which one?: Some are better than others.
Do you like roller coasters?: Do you like projectile vomit?
What was your first job?: Babysitting.
If you could visit anywhere where would it be?: Tattoine, the brochures look nice. Naboo might be good too.
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?: Once, didn't realize it was a school zone until it was too late.
Do you wear contacts/glasses?: Not at the same time.
What's your favorite holiday?: Christmas
Have you ever fired a gun?: No, but I've fired 3 employees and 1 supervisor.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Two
Hugs or kisses?: Getting? Giving? Where are we going with this? And who is on the other end?
Do you bite your nails?: No
Do you have any siblings?: They may not want to admit it at times, but yes.
Have you ever been on a plane?: No, but I've been in several
What is your current desktop picture?: Yoda
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?: Probably the extinguisher
Do you swear?: Yes, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...
Are you a morning person?: Yes.
Do you like your job?: Yes...Most days
What was the first car you owned?: '74 Impala
Do you care what others think about you?: If you're in law enforcement, then yes.
The craziest thing you've ever done?: I have no recollection of that event...
What ringtone is on your cell phone right now?: Depends on who's calling.
What kind of cell phone do you have?: Blackberry
Would you like other people to see your survey answers?: That's a dumb question
Do you have any pets?: 2 cats (one on either side of the fireplace)

DMD - Continued

I was in Calgary for two days this week, and my DMD (Decision Making Disorder) reared its ugly head again.

Let me quickly set the stage. I recently ended up with $50 I wasn't expecting in exchange for doing some computer work (honestly, if I like you enough to work on your computer, I'm not expecting anything for it). On top of that, I have $10 worth of Lego VIP points. Sweet as! So, you'd think that'd be a no-brainer. Me + $50 + $10 Lego Store credit = Star Wars Lego. What I didn't factor into the equation was an unexpected flair-up of DMD.

I went to the Lego store with every intention of buying something. Believe me, this is not a place to kick tires. I've never seen it not "kids crawling off the walls" busy. The occasional outburst of "But I WANT it!!" as the child points to the $300-$400 set. One kid was following his mom around carrying the Death Star box ($500) trying to plead his best case on why he can't live without it. So 30 minutes and three helpful staff later, I still couldn't find anything I wanted. Let me rephrase that, I wanted dang-near everything in the store, but I wouldn't let myself get anything.

So I tried Toys R Us. Even without the $10 credit, I could still find something for $50 and ever since the Lego store opened, TrU's prices have come back into line on all the Lego sets. I spent quite a while standing in front of the Lego section, then wandering over to the Nerf guns. Now that Trevor and Rhys are both armed and dangerous, I need to stay ahead of the arms race. I stood in front of the Nerf guns for a while, checking out a couple of models with some really great features (who wouldn't need a Nerf sniper rifle??), then wandered over to the Lego again. I won't say how many times that cycle repeated itself...

By this point, I'm starting to branch out into other Lego lines out of desperation. The police helicopter looks cool... some of the big trucks, Technic models. Argh!! What is wrong with me?! (Actually, it's a long list, where do you want to start? Chronologically? Alphabetically? Categorically?) Why is it so hard to just pick something and go with it?

Later, possibly in a subconscious effort to create balance, for about two hours I was convinced I had to get an iPhone. I checked out various plans, thought about how I could manage carrying my work phone and a personal phone, which lead to thoughts of "maybe I could trade in my work phone and pay the difference", I schemed different ways to get the phone companies competing for a better deal... But I eventually came to my senses again.

Anyone out there who actually finished your psychology degree, I welcome your input and analysis. Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope...

My First Kettlebell Workout

So, I did my first kettlebell workout this morning. "How'd it go?" you ask? Well, I believe a picture might explain it better than I could...

Yep, that pretty much summed it up. It turns out the 16kg bell may have been a bit too aggressive right out of the gates.

The first minute of swings went rather well. Seemed a bit long, but I made it. One minute of rest, followed by my second minute of swings. My stupid pinky fingers just don't fit around the handle, so I either leave them on the inside where they get squished or stick them on the outside where the start getting crampy. Another rest minute, and for the third minute, the swings are getting slower and farther apart. Ended up only doing half of minute four before wrapping that one up.

Turkish get-ups. I wasn't far off when I said I'd be drooling on the floor for three minutes. Did it once on the right side, once on the left, right side again, then that was it.

Goblet squats. Instead of 3 sets of 20 reps, I did one set of 7 reps, 1 set of 5 reps, and one set of immobile fetal position.

So, in order to avoid this morning's unpleasant side-effects, I need to scale back the weight a bit before I try that again. In the meantime, I'll focus on some of my weaker areas so this won't be such a traumatic event for my system.

Kettle Bell Intro

So, our friends have been doing kettle bells for a while now and graciously agreed to come out and give me a quick overview. Jesse came and walked me through a few of the basic exercises. He started me out with the 24kg 16kg bell, mercifully...

The first one was the two-handed swing, fairly straight-forward and I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of it even though my technique could use some refinement. I was surprised to see how quickly it feels like I'm actually getting a workout. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, here's a video demonstration... One minute of swings, then one minute of rest, and repeat six times. I'll tell you right now, I have the one minute of rest down pat. I was already starting to sweat after a few reps. It looks like you're just swinging a canon ball around, but it really is a full-body workout.

Then he showed me the goblet squats. I did maybe ten of them and my legs are still not talking to me. I'd rather fall down the stairs right now than walk up and down... He says when I get good at those, I can move to the one-legged (or pistol) squat. I couldn't do one of those right now without the weight, so this could be a bit of an uphill climb.

"Now I'll show you the Turkish get-up". A what now?? (Here's another video). Yah, it's harder than it looks. "Normally you'd do five minutes with that one." Five minutes?! Holy cardiac arrest, Batman! Five minutes for me would be about two reps followed by 3 minutes of unconscious drooling on the floor.

So, after my quick introduction, I am now hooked on kettlebells. If you want more information, I would highly recommend visiting Jesse's website, "Core Kettlebell Training." He'll be offering classes in the Cardston area in April, hopefully by then I will be to the point where I can actually make it through an entire workout. Right now the kids have "9-1" programmed into the speed dial so all they have to do is press the last "1" as I pass out.

If you're new to this like I am, let me warn you there will be pain after your first session. I'll let you know just how much after I do my first real workout on Friday. I'm hoping that if I skip tomorrow, I'll stop hurting enough to start the pain all over again. It's a good hurt though, right? Now I just have to figure out how to pack the 16kg bell into my suitcase when I hit the road next week...

Bet You Can't Eat Just One

Remember the old Lay's commercials? "Bet you can't eat just one"... Well, I have found a flaw in my "One Thing" philosophy. One thing soon leads to two, then three... and before you know it, you're actively looking to get into better shape. Making time to get the workout in, planning the day to make sure you have time to work out, checking the iFitness app on the iPad to see what other exercises could easily and logically be added to the existing routine, drinking more water (technically, any water would count as more than I was drinking before), taking carbonated drinks off the menu (including my beloved Barq's Rootbeer), getting advice from friends and family who know way more about this stuff than I do...

I even had a salad the other day while on the road. Salad... as a MEAL. Granted, it was the unofficial Subway Taco salad (steak salad w/ crushed up nacho chips), but still... How many of you thought you'd ever see the day when I had salad on purpose? And not as a side either.

So let me voice a word of caution to any who may be considering a similar "One Thing" approach to improving your health. It's a slippery slope, my friends. I started out with every intention of keeping "one thing" to just one thing, but now I'm surprised at how I really do have time to fit in a regular exercise program. It won't be long before I become "one of them". You know what I'm talking about, those people who can't stop talking about it to everyone around them. They're like vampires (the cool ones, not the sparkly kind), once they're "bitten", they want everyone else to join in too.

So, as an incentive, I went to the Lego store and picked up...

...this. The Clone Turbo Tank. The catch? I can't open it until I get my BMI down to the top end of the "Normal" range, which for my height is 210-215lbs. My BMI right now is 27.7 and apparently needs to be under 25. Personally, I look forward to being able to tie my shoes and breathe at the same time, everything after that is just gravy.