A Small Serving...

...of crow.

It all started when I saw the video from Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson posted on facebook. I've said it before, I'm a sucker for a good piano, and this is some good piano with excellent cello accompaniment. And then when Jon's daughter Sarah comes out and sings at the end... wow, let the melting begin.

I didn't know this was a Faith Hill song. I've never seen the Grinch movie, and you may not have noticed from previous posts, but I don't spend a lot of time on the country music stations. It might have been sleep deprivation which contributed to my decision to look up the Faith Hill version, or it may have been morbid curiosity. I'm not quite sure. I don't spend a lot of time looking up country music on YouTube either...

So, it is with no small amount of reluctance I am compelled to admit that is a good song. At the same time, I'm going on record to say it bears very little resemblance to country music, so I may get to have a little gravy along with my side of crow (everything is better with gravy). The instrumental version was moving by itself, but Faith's vocals and the lyrics really did it for me. It met all my criteria: good voice (check), non-objectionable lyrics (check), moving music &/or message (check, and check), complete absence of warbling or twang (check).

Don't get too excited though, I'm not ready to consider the possibility that there may be other country songs worth hearing...

A(nother) Pet Peeve

Let me start off with a song written and performed by Bowser and Blue:

Yup, that pretty much sums it up... It's Christmas, not Xmas. It wasn't a mas and then you broke up with it. It really cooks my goose when I see people doing it who know better. Are you lazy? Or just afraid to call it Christmas? Facebook doesn't charge by the letter, you have the room to spell the whole word... Just sayin'

Good Times

I got to spend my week in La Crete helping set up the computer systems for the new Subway opening up on Monday. Monday consisted of a flight from Lethbridge to Calgary to Grande Prairie, and then a 7hr+ drive north to La Crete. I came within 190km of the Northwest Territories. That's as far north as I've ever been, or ever wanted to be, in my life. North is not usually my friend. North is cold. I don't like cold. I like south. Arizona is south. Florida is south. California is south. South is my friend.

Let's put this into a little perspective for those who may not be familiar with the geography...

The purple line represents the drive from Grande Prairie to La Crete. It turns out there are flights from Edmonton to High Level, but the $800+ ticket wasn't in my travel budget. And yes, I do have the Lego Store marked on my Google Earth map.

I was lulled into a sense of false security on Monday, as the weather was 2-5C above zero all the way up, which was warmer than the weather at home. The drive up was rather uneventful, fortunately. It wasn't until High Level that I saw a deer crossing the highway... in the middle of town. The weather dropped to the -25c to -30c range on Tuesday and stayed there until I left early Friday morning.

Add to that three fun filled days of fighting with computer systems which were supposed to have been updated before they were shipped to the restaurant (sadly, not so much). I guess it was a good thing I spent all day, every day working on the computers because there wasn't really anything else to do in town.

I left early Friday morning with so I could get to Grande Prairie for my 4:20pm flight and have time for pit stops, meals, poor driving conditions etc. It was all going well until I got to High Level.

"This is where the fun begins..."

I was making pretty good time when I got to High Level. I had a two and a half hour buffer, which I felt would be enough to handle most scenarios. About 5km south of town, there was a small line forming on the highway for what looked like an accident up ahead (I couldn't see because of the large trucks in front). Three emergency vehicles went by, and so did about 45 minutes. No problem, I still had over an hour. And then one of the highway trucks with the orange flashers started working his way down the line telling everyone it would be about 5-6 hours before the accident would be cleared up. Now that becomes a problem.

This is the ONLY highway going south from High Level, which seems like a glaring design flaw if you ask me. The "highway guy" told me to go back to High Level, take the highway going east, then go down to Red Earth and come across to Grande Prairie that way. My Garmin didn't want to let me do that, so I went to the Shell station to look at a map. Ummm... turns out Red Earth is a 5hr drive, and Grande Prairie is another 5hrs from there, which means there's no way of making my flight in 8hrs. To rub lemon juice in the paper cut, while I'm standing there looking at the map, the accident was announced over the local radio telling everyone to avoid the highway and there was no detour. Awesome sauce with a side of fries.

I went out to the car, pulled out my laptop, used my mobile internet stick, rebooked my flights for Saturday and informed Budget I wouldn't have their car back until Saturday morning. Then I waited. And waited. High Level is not a fun place to be stranded for four hours. If you've seen the movie "Trapped in Paradise", first of all I apologize profusely, no one should have to site through that (I still feel bad all these years later for taking a girl to see that movie). Anyhow, Paradise is a larger town than High Level with more to do.

I had lunch at 11:00, and did the sudoku puzzle on the back of the "Muskeg Buzz" out of sheer boredom. I drove up the highway at noon to see if they had made progress. Nope, still turning people away. So, back to town... I went back to check at 1:00. Nope, still not cleared.

Wait a minute! The same guy who told me to go to Red Earth is now escorting vehicles onto a side road. I followed the procession down a gravel road, hoping desperately he isn't going home for lunch. The convoy turned onto a small one-lane dirt road which led in behind a loading yard for trains, over the hill, through the woods, and onto the highway on the other side of the accident. Son of a beached whale! All this time and a quick 10 minute detour would've had me back on my way and home in time for bed. Curse you Dodge Avenger for not having a dash-mounted laser!

Speaking of the Dodge Avenger, I have to say, not my favorite car. If you rev the engine, you can watch the gas gauge go down. It has a combined highway/city mileage rating of 22MPG. Crap on a stick, our V8 Suburban does better than that. And that's what the car is rated, not what it actually gets... And to make things even more fun, because it's a rental, it receives all the loving maintenance of a bludgeoned seal. The girl at the rental desk said "You won't need snow tires, the roads are all clear." Thanks Dead-end Job Barbie, you can guarantee the road conditions between here and the NWT for the week??

I stopped at a gas station for some travel munchies on the way up on Monday and the "Oil change required" light came on when I started the engine again. That little light on the dash looks nothing like an oil can. It looks like a gravy boat. "Why yes, come to think of it, I could use some gravy. Thank you, thoughtful car, for reminding me."

Awesome Idea!

One of the families in our ward gave this to us yesterday and I thought it was a great idea...

Due to the photo quality, you probably can't tell right away what it is. It's an Advent Candle. How cool is that? Every day you burn the candle down to the next line and wait again for the next day. I like this idea a lot better than the candy advent calendars, and not just because I have pyromaniacal tendencies. I may have to try this with a bigger candle  :)

'Tis the Season...

A friend on facebook posted this video and I had to pass it along. When you see stories like this, it tends to renew your faith in "peace on earth, good will towards men"...

What's more shocking? The fact she pepper sprayed roughly 20 other shoppers to get an XBox 360 for half-price? Or that other customers were so focused on getting the same deal, this woman managed to take one, pay for it at the register, and leave the store without being apprehended? When she got home, did she include the part about spraying other customers when she tells everyone what a great deal she got? Little Dudley can proudly tell his friends, "My mum sprayed 20 people to get this for me."

When the wisemen brought their gifts to Mary and the young Jesus, I'm sure this isn't what they had in mind as an end result of the tradition they started. 

Some of My Favorites

It's time to put up some of my favorite Christmas songs. I'm not going to put them in any specific order because it's hard for me to quantify things I really like. It's like asking me to decide between my favorite foods...

Were You There - Jon Schmidt 

I'm a Jon Schmidt fan. I'm a sucker for a good piano arrangement, and when you add great vocals I'm hooked. The first time I heard this song was in Grade 11 when our seminary class went carolling to a senior's center and a few of the girls sang this (being 16 at the time, I only really remember one of them, but I'm sure there were others with her). I want my Christmas music to move me, and this song does it every time.

Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains

I remember being in the car with the family, I'm not sure if we were just driving around to look at Christmas lights or just happened to be singing Christmas songs at the time, but I remember wanting to sing this one.

O Holy Night

Josh Groban singing O Holy Night, can't go wrong there...

I have other favorites, but I keep getting sidetracked on YouTube. Maybe I'll post a follow-up if I manage to find more without being distracted...

My Top 10 Least Favorite Christmas Songs

I figure if the Christmas tree is up already, it must be safe to do a Christmas post. I got in trouble last year for not having a Christmas post, so this year I'll do a couple extra to make up for it. I'm going to start with my Top 10 absolute least favorite "Christmas" songs of all time. Let me first start off with a disclaimer; there is probably a better-than-even chance I'll end up listing one or more of your favorites, so as delicately as I can say it, I extend to you a heart-felt "Get over it!"

Every year I dread the Christmas productions, school plays, etc. because the music really annoys me. And for the record, putting the word "Christmas" into the lyrics doesn't necessarily make it a Christmas song. I submit George Michael's "Last Christmas" (and all subsequent covers/remixes) as Exhibit A.

10. Anything, and I do mean anything, by Dolly & Kenny

Granted, I'm not a country music fan to begin with, but they could be singing Handel's Messiah and it would still make me want to stick my head in the oven and crank it up. The warbling, the country twang (which is SO endearing at the best of times)... it's just too much for me.

9. The Twelve Days of Christmas

For a song which so repeatedly mentions Christmas, this one really has nothing to do with it. I side with The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes on this one when they wrote, "that the[se] lines survive today... [is] an irreligious travesty."

8. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

It started out as a country song, so right away loses points in my book.

7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Or, "The Stalker Song". Encouraging children to behave because an old man can see them when they sleep or while they're awake. In today's society, that's borderline pedophilia.

6. Jingle Bells

Do you know why this traditional Christmas song has no mention of Christmas at all in any of its five verses? Because it was originally written for Thanksgiving. A minister named James Pierpoint wrote the song in 1857 for the children in his Boston Sunday School's Thanksgiving celebration. Let's give this one back to Thanksgiving, shall we? Granted, it has as much to do with Thanksgiving as it does with Christmas.

5. Jingle Bell Rock

This one is even more annoying. Is it any wonder why the spirit and meaning of Christmas is being lost when so many of the songs associated with the holiday actually have nothing to do with it??

4. Deck the Halls

At least this one hints around Christmas by mentioning the Yule tide carols and season. Aside from the fleeting reference, it seems devoid of any other redeeming qualities.

3. Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer

An American advertising executive wrote a poem for the department store Santa to give away to kids in the mid- to late 1940's. It turned out to be a big success and was later put to music and recorded by Gene Autry. It mentions Christmas Eve, but somehow singing about a picked-on mutant reindeer doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit.

2. Frosty the Snowman

I challenge anyone to tell me why this should be a Christmas song. Go ahead... I dare you. This one was actually written after the success of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, trying to cash in on some of Rudolf's popularity. Sadly, it worked and now we have intentionally commercialized "Christmas" songs which have nothing to do with Christmas.

1. Winter Wonderland

This one probably bugs me the most, as it combines my hatred of winter with my contempt for non-Christmas Christmas songs. Why is it even considered a Christmas song? It talks about snow, building snowmen, and freezing your nose. What does that have to do with Christmas?! Freezing my nose (or anything else) doesn't put me in the Christmas spirit. I'd be ecstatic with the opportunity to celebrate Christmas in a warmer climate.

You're Kidding, Right?

I checked into the hotel at about 10:30 last night and there was a new guy at the desk. I must admit I've been a bit spoiled being recognized as I walk in and having the check-in half done before I even get to the desk. I even had to show my photo ID this time... Why do you care? You probably don't, but if I don't set the stage then what happened when I called the front desk this morning won't have the same impact...

Me: "Can you please send down an ironing board?"

New Guy: "Certainly, I'll send one right away." and he hangs up, I think it's settled and return to my morning routine (mostly email, with a little Facebook thrown in). Had this been the usual front desk staff, the story would've ended here. But no...

45 seconds later, New Guy calls back, "Did you check in the closet?"

Me: "Did I what??"

NG: "Did you check in the closet for the ironing board?" I heard you the first time, I just wanted to make sure you really thought I was that dumb.

Me: "Yes. I checked in the closet for the ironing board." This isn't my first trip to the circus, Skippy. I've stayed in my fair share of hotel rooms. Know what they ALL have had in common so far? The frikkin ironing board has been in the frikkin closet! Now I'm curious to know where you think I was looking. If Rhys had been looking, the ironing board could've been in the middle of the room wearing a pink tutu doing Lord of the Dance and he would've missed it. Granted, I can't always find what Dawn sends me into the pantry to retrieve, but I am very confident in my ability to find an ironing board in a hotel room.

When he came to the door with the ironing board, he was trying to inconspicuously scan the room to see if I had already found the elusive board which should've already been in my room. He's lucky I didn't smack him with the board he dropped off...

6 Weeks Later

I made it! I finished my 6-week kettlebell program, the first time in my life I've ever done a 6-week anything program. Feels good  :)

Over the past six weeks, I moved up from the 12kg to the 16kg kettlebell (and could probably almost move up to the 20kg bell in some areas), lost 1/2" on my waist, gained 1/2" on my chest and arms, and lost 0.8lbs.

What worked:
-Having a target each week for the workouts, even if they sometimes seem designed to kill me.
-Daily reporting & accountability
-Learning I can actually workout in the evening. It gives me time to talk myself back into exercising, when I wake up in the morning I don't often feel like working out.

What am I going to change for the next round?
-For tracking purposes, I'm going to work on 4-week increments rather than 6-weeks. It's easier to fit everything in on paper...
-Add more cardio exercise to the routine. I need to spend more quality time with the treadmill or the exercise bike on my "off days"
-Do more of what Jesse calls "complexes". Not sure how I'm going to fit those in just yet, but I'll work on it. I need to have more of the "praying for death" exercise days
-Be more conscious about what I eat. Let's face it, I'm never going to be a health-food nut. Part of my motivation to exercise is to allow me the joys of indulging in my love of ice cream without any of the associated guilt. But I don't have to make that a meal, if I keep it as a dessert where it belongs I don't see a problem. I can make healthier choices for meals, but the train isn't going to jump the track if I occasionally grab a less-than-healthy meal on the road.

What I've noticed in myself:
-I'm generally in a better mood
-My recovery time from my quarterly cold/sinus congestion has decreased significantly
-I have to say I've noticed my food cravings have started to change, I don't always default to the burgers any more. I'm trying to drink juice more often than I drink pop. I'm not going to say I'm not going to drink pop any more because I'm not ready for that step, but I am consciously cutting back.
-There is a noticeable difference when I do things like help people move. Hauling freezers and couches is a bit easier than it used to be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Lego to build :)

You're Too Kind

Backstory: Back in June, we decided we were going to pay off as many of our credit cards as we could, starting with the retail cards. I got my statement for the Best Buy card and then called the customer support line to confirm the amount before I closed the account. They said yes, that was the correct amount so that's how much I paid...

Fast-forward... I got a statement in the mail saying I owed $1.24 on my Best Buy card. So I phoned in this evening to talk to someone about it. I think "Customer Service" is sometimes a misnomer, "Condescending Line" is more accurate.

Me: "I would like to know why I'm being charged $1.24 after I confirmed the amount to be paid, and then paid that amount on the same day."

Captain Condescending: "Well..." (oh, this is starting off on the right foot already) "... they wouldn't say that is the amount to pay because interest is calculated daily."

Me: "Yes, he did say that. I told him I'd like to close my account and asked how much I needed to pay. He told me the amount and that's what I paid."

CC: "Let me explain it to you so you will understand..." (Let me show you the inside of your lip) "...we calculate the interest on a daily basis..." (yes, you mentioned that, Sparky. It's not a difficult concept to grasp) "...so between your statement date and your payment date, you accrued $1.24 in interest."

Me: "So, the person I talked to didn't know the interest would be accrued?? He couldn't just tell me I needed to add $1.24 to the balance?"

CC:  I can hear him rolling his eyes... "What I'll do is I will reverse the $1.24 from your account so we can stay on positive terms..." You are too good to me. What's your name so I can plant a tree in your honor. Maybe I could even write you into my will. What is the appropriate level of grovelling and showering of appreciation for clearing off my entire outstanding balance? I don't want to seem ungrateful to such a generous benefactor.

Part of me wanted to see this go to collections because I'm sure it would've cost them way more than $1.24 to come after me. They have already spent more in postage sending me account statements than what I owed.

Startling Revelations...

Remember back in March when I had my first go-round with kettlebells? It took a while, but I got back in the saddle. This time with a 12kg kettlebell (26.4lb for my American friends) and a program put together by Jesse. And I have to say this time is working out MUCH better.

So, what have I learned so far?

1. "I haven't" is not synonymous with "I can't"
For years, I thought these two were interchangeable. Turns out, not so much. I thought because I hadn't been able to follow an exercise plan, somehow maybe I couldn't. For the first time ever in my life, I can say "I'm on the third week of the program." Next week I'll be saying "I'm on week #4", and so on. And soon, I'll lose count because it's just a part of my lifestyle and not an exercise program.

2. "I can't now" doesn't mean "I never will"
Three weeks ago, if someone had asked me, "Do you think you'll be able to do a 24kg snatch?" I would've said something like, "Are you crazy??" Yesterday Jesse figured it was time I graduated to the 16kg (35.2lb) bell. Once I had done a few exercises, he said "OK". Let me jump in here and explain... When Jesse says "OK", it means "You think you're done, but now I'm going to make you do more." Sometimes it sounds remarkably like, "Let's see if this kills you."

He brought out a 20kg (44lb) and had me do a few more snatches. Then he said "OK" again and brought out the 24kg (52.8lb) and had me do a few more snatches. For those not familiar with snatches, here's a short video:

Yeah, doing those with 24kg. Sure, he makes it look easy, but it isn't. Didn't see that happening any time in my near future, but I did it (only twice on each arm, but it still counts).

3. I actually enjoy workouts.
Really! Last week was probably the most hectic I've had in a long time, and Wednesday was the worst of the week. I spent most of the day holding onto the thought that if I just get through, I can go back to the hotel room and do my workout. I stumbled in after a 14hr+ work day and did my exercises and it felt great.

4. It's not about the pounds or inches anymore
When I started three weeks ago, I took my measurements and weighed myself so I could see how far I have come when I reach week 6. Now, those week 6 numbers are more of a curiosity than a goal. I don't care if nothing has changed on paper because everything has changed in my head. I feel so much better, I'll keep going regardless of what the scale or measuring tape have to say. They don't get to vote anymore...

Here's Yer Sign...

I got the chance to do some shopping for electronics today picking up some equipment for a couple of new hires at work. I enjoy shopping for electronics, especially when I get to do it on the company credit card. I was in one of the London Drugs in Calgary looking for a portable printer. It was the middle of the afternoon, so the computer department was relatively slow. There were two staff in computers at the time, one a seasoned vet and the other a new trainee. The new staff was following the other staff around the department like a lost puppy. I had to chuckle a bit to myself because I remember well my own days as a green trainee following Scott Bogdan around the Lethbridge London Drugs computer department...

Anyhow, I made the mistake of asking the poor greenie if the HP 100 was the replacement for the 470. He looked at me in a small panic before checking with the seasoned veteran. I put the two printer boxes on the counter so he could ring them in (after he figured out what to scan). As he's ringing them up he asked, "What are you going to use them for?"

What I actually said was, "for mobile printing". What I was thinking was, "I thought I'd try them out as planters for the front porch."

Runners-up included:
"I'm not going to use the printers, I just need the boxes."
"I'm doing some work on my car and need something to block the tires."
"My table is wobbly and these are just the right height to straighten it out."

If I had asked that question during my training, I'm fairly sure Scott would've smacked me. "They're printers, what do you think he's going to use them for?"

You Pushed the Wrong Button

Aug 12: we went down to Kalispell for the weekend with our friends Barb & Jesse. Left the kids at home and took off, just like the "old days". I had saved up my hotel points to cover the rooms. I made reservations for 2 rooms with queen beds, not a hard concept. When we got there to check in, there was a line-up and the staff at the counter kept announcing there weren't any rooms available without a reservation. Whew, good thing we booked ahead.

We got to the rooms, and when I got in bed I had to think for a minute. It has been a few months since we replaced our queen bed at home, but I don't remember ever having my feet hang off the end like this. You'd think in all the years of having a queen, I'd notice something like that.

We got home on Aug 14, I pretty much dropped my bags at the door and went to the computer to register a complaint on the Choice Hotels website. I got the automated "Your request will be researched and you will receive a response from us within 72 hours." The 17th rolled around, then the 18th, and finally on the 19th, I sent an email reminder saying the 72 hours were up.

Fast forward through two more email reminders, and this morning I figured I'd just phone in and see if anyone could help. The guy on the other end had to look up my reservations, then called the hotel. After listening to the most obnoxious hold message ever (I REALLY don't want to listen to you saying how great you are right now), he came back on and said the hotel confirmed they were queen beds. What?!? Do your beds have an exchange rate now too?? I'm pretty sure a queen is the same size in the US as it is in Canada. Oh, and the hotel MAILED a letter on the 16th. Not emailed, but the good old-fashioned postal service. In what alternate reality does that qualify as receiving a reply within 72hrs?! It still hasn't arrived yet. What's the frakkin' point of asking how I would like to be contacted if you are going to ignore it anyway and wimp out by sending a letter??

Senor Helpful was absolutely no help whatsoever and said he couldn't do anything for me. If I wanted any further resolution I would have to talk to the hotel directly. No, I'm not going to talk to the hotel directly. That's a really dumb idea, they can't tell the difference between a queen and a double, how much help do you really think they'll be?? I'll tell you what I will do, however. If you look at my account, you'll see I have spent 40-50+ nights at your hotel chain every year since I joined in 2004 (did I mention it was Choice Hotels?). I'm taking those nights to another hotel which would love to have my business.

I wasn't even asking for a refund, I probably would've been happy with an acknowledgement there had been an error and an apology. But if this is how concerns are handled, you'll never see me walk through your doors again. It's time for me to start seeing other hotels. It's not me, it's you.

Curbside Appeal

I'm always looking for shirts which fit me. Make that cheap shirts which fit me. I know where the expensive ones are, but I'm not ready to pay $70+ for a long-sleeve dress shirt. I think I once paid $40 for a shirt, that may have been the time store security had to come and help me pry my debit card out of my wallet. Hyperventilating may also have been involved, the whole incident is a blur and it's hard to remember specific details...

I used to be able to find 36/37" sleeves in the sale bin at Moore's, then they caught on to my scheme and started stocking the 34/35" sleeves. That doesn't help much. "We have bigger ones over here..." they would say, pointing to the expensive section. Are you really getting the "big spender" vibe off the guy digging through the $20 bargain bin??

Then for about eight months, Sears had my size and I discovered how nice a 37/38" sleeve really is. So, I'd stop in every time I was at the office and pick up a shirt. And then they decided to cater to the "business OompaLoompa" market. In what crazed and deranged world is a 32/33" sleeve considered to be Large??

I don't know why I keep going back to Sears to check for my size. Maybe it's optimism, maybe a hope they really do carry my size but other tall people get there before I do. Let me go on record right now to say I have officially made my last visit to the Marlborough Mall Sears in Calgary. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, let me give you a short essay...

People in business, especially retail, know about the importance of curbside appeal. I'm a fan of Dennis Snow, a great speaker and author about customer service topics. One of his points is "Everything Speaks". Everything in your organization speaks something to the customer. This is why grocery stores spend so much time making sure all the product is brought forward to the front of the shelves, so it's easy for customer to reach and appears well-stocked.

You could expect a display like this in the toy section after parents let little Chucky run amuck while they're off looking at sporting goods etc. But what is the impression you get when this happens in men's wear? It's not like there was a huge sale either. I noticed three staff walk past this carnage as they went to other departments. I started to wonder how long it had been since any of the staff had been in the department to check on it. The shirt section was about 30 minutes away from graffiti and gang tagging. Fortunately, I made it out before things really got bad...

Only You Can Prevent Vaguebooking

Thanks to social media, I have a new pet peeve. It's called 'vaguebooking'. What, you ask, is vaguebooking?

Vaguebooking: An intentionally vague or ambiguous Facebook status update which prompts friends to ask what's going, possibly prompting friends to "Hide" future updates by the perpetrator.

I'm sure you know people who do this on a regular basis, hopefully you're not one of them. There's always someone who dangles just enough to keep their friends digging for more information.

Friend1: I'm so ________ [fill in the blank with angry/sad/frustrated/etc]...
Friend2: What's up?
Friend1: I don't want to talk about it right now.

Friend1: That was SO embarrassing!
Friend2: What did you do?
Friend1: I can't even talk about it yet, I'm still red

If you can't/won't talk about it, then why are you posting it?!? Either put in enough details so people know what's going on, or skip the status update altogether. Does it make you feel validated or important when friends comment on your cryptic status? Does stringing everyone along with breadcrumbs fulfill your need to be the center of attention?

I have a solution which will make everyone happy: Get a puppy. Seriously, they'll never judge you, they're always happy to see you, they never think your stories are boring, and they think you're the greatest person ever.

So to anyone reading this (both of you), you can help stop this online epidemic. If you are or have been guilty of vaguebooking, stop now! If you have friends who vaguebook, for the love of baby seals everywhere DON'T REPLY! Resist the urge, replying only makes it worse. The next time they post "wonders if it was worth it", "big surprise, can't tell anyone yet", or "that was a bad idea" leave them hanging. Seriously, even though it takes every ounce of self-control you have, don't even post a sarcastic comment. You can't extinguish unwanted behavior at the same time you are rewarding it.

I'm off to ... oops, I've said too much already.

Me? A Hoarder??

Dawn went down to Great Falls on Saturday for her monthly/bi-monthly grocery excursion. While she was gone, I had a moment of self-discovery. She will often send me text messages as she goes through the various stores to see if I want anything (usually cool Oreo flavors we don't get up here). As I was going through my inventory on-hand, I came to a startling realization:

I hoard food.

Not just any food, but junk food and treats. I have six different packs of Oreos stashed away (as well as Bugles, various Reese chocolate...). I have to have two packs of the same flavor before I'll let myself open one, especially if it's one I haven't tried before. I found a second bag of chocolate-covered peanut butter Oreos and was excited because that meant I could open it. I have had unopened packs go soggy because they have been in storage for so long. I have a bag of orange creamsicle Oreos I won't let myself open because if they're really good (as I suspect they are), then I can't get any more until someone goes down to the States again. And what if they're just a limited time offer and not even available down there anymore? The harder it is to get, the more likely I am to stash it.

At work, someone brought back a jar of really good hard candy from England and it sat on my desk for months. Not because they weren't delicious, but because I couldn't get more. Eventually, other people in the office helped me, or rather themselves.

This could also explain why I need to have ice cream on-hand at all times. Granted, it's not really hard to come by... unless you're trying to get some in Raymond at 11:00 at night.

I should've stayed in Psychology...

Mixed Results

Anyone who has ever been out to dinner with me knows that if I have time to decide what I want to eat before the server comes for my drink order, that's a really bad sign. Menus are apparently kryptonite to me. I'm sure ancient Egyptian heiroglyphs have been translated faster than the time it takes for me to get through a menu. Even though there's absolutely no chance whatsoever of me actually ordering a salad as a main dish, I still have to look at the salad page. And the pasta page. And the appetizer page... you get the idea. I keep thinking maybe I'll try something new this time, but that never happens. "I'll have the steak sandwich, medium, with the Caesar salad."

Thankfully the food arrived faster than the server. On a scale ranging from 'still moving' to 'burnt offering', isn't medium supposed to still be pink in the middle? Fear of starving to death prevented me from asking if they can uncook it or something so it's less brown and a little more pink inside. Then I started to wonder why do I worry about making the server feel bad if our food isn't done quite right? It doesn't make sense, but most of the time it still stops me from saying anything. It's not like she's going to break down in tears about how I don't appreciate all the work she put into it, or how no one asks how her day is going. All she does is take my order and relay it to the kitchen. Half the time, someone else brings the food out anyway and I don't see my server until she comes back to ask if I want a refill (which, to her credit, she did). So, I quietly ate my more-well-than-medium steak. At least they brought the bread with it. We had one family dinner where I ordered a steak sandwich and had to ask for the bread. "How is it a sandwich without the bread?" Seriously. But that's another story.

Deep down in the scary frightening recesses of my subconscious, I believe 99% of my restaurant selection is based on what I want for dessert. The main course isn't the draw for me. I can get meat anywhere, and I really can't tell the difference between steak or ribs at Montana's, Boston Pizza, etc., but the dessert is the deciding vote. I was in the mood for probably one of the best non-ice cream desserts available, the Chocolate Explosion.

Normally, I'm all about portion size, but this little culinary masterpiece is plenty rich for its size (think Donald Trump as a midget). Moist chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, white chocolate chunks, and a few other excuses to squeeze in more chocolate. Don't judge me, I had the side salad to offset dessert. And yes, that's how it works in my world. I figure the steak is neutral, so the healthy salad cancels out the chocolate. That line of reasoning may be the reason my new pants don't fit...

Rocket Science

I really enjoy going to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. They specialize in two of my favorite foods: burgers, and lots. I tried the regular burger (double patty) on my first visit and found it to be too much, so now I just order the "little" ones (single patty) and still have yet to finish my fries. If you make the mistake of going there during the lunch hour, be prepared to wait in line as it is a popular spot.

Part of the overall experience for me is watching the people while I eat. Not the people in line, those waiting for their food, or those sitting at their tables eating. No, those aren't the fun ones. My favorites are the semi-literate.

If you're not in a hurry one day, sit at a table with a good, unencumbered view of the doors. I guarantee, if you're into people watching, you'll not be disappointed. It may take a few minutes before your first sighting, but if the line is small enough you'll spot someone coming in through the exit door. It's not like these puppies aren't clearly marked with "ENTER" and "EXIT", au contraire.

As you enter, the door on your left is nicely marked "Enter Here".

To your right, you'll find the door marked "Exit Only".

I find it fascinating how many people will use the door marked "Exit", then stand in the middle of the seating area wondering just how to get in the line to order. One perplexed potential patron kept going towards the line, then stopping and going back towards the exit only to stop and go back towards the line. He did this two or three times before finally deciding it was okay to use the exit door as an exit (crazy idea, I know). Some will get upset, not at themselves, but somehow at the restaurant or staff. They'll shoot off a nasty glare towards the staff at the counter before turning around and going out. Sure, like it's their fault you can't read. How do you manage to order off the menu if you can't read the door??

I guess if 5 Guys really wanted to make it idiot-proof, they could just take the handle off the enter-side of the exit door, but where's the fun in that?

You Know You Travel Too Often When...

...you check into your hotel room and find this

Yes, it's a census form. "If this location is your only residence in Canada..." No, this isn't my only residence. I really do have a home, honest! Just because it seems I'm hardly ever there doesn't mean the government has to track me down at the hotel. Just because:
-I can walk into the lobby and they hand me my room key on sight...
-I don't have to specify "no housekeeping" when I stay for two nights or longer, the staff already know it's a standing request
-The front desk staff knows when I use a new credit card
-Dawn walks out of the bedroom and gets mauled by the kids, I come home after three or four days on the road and get a "hi" from whoever is sitting on the couch

I don't think those are valid reasons to start having my mail forwarded to room 403.

Come to the Dark Side, We Have Milkshakes

I don't go to McDonald's very often any more, but I might start going a little more regularly now. Lemme e'splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up...

First of all, my former milkshake connection went and did something stupid. Not to be outdone by the new mini-Blizzard, DQ went and downsized their milkshake line up. "Just Right" my flabby tush!!

The milkshake they proudly flaunt at $2.99 is the 12oz small. Twelve ounces. 354mL. To me, that's a shot glass. Come back when you're serious. They took the medium cup, called it a large. The small is now medium, and they had to make up a new small because they didn't have anything that small before the change. Sure, "extra large available upon request". It just frosts me that I have to pay extra to get the cup I was getting before. The new large is around $5 and they don't even put the pricing up for the extra large. I want a job with DQ marketing. Apparently their advertising exec's don't have to be in touch, and get paid to go around making things smaller. Don't think I didn't notice the cones getting smaller. The minute you downsize the Peanut Buster Parfait will be the last time I walk through your doors. I'm not sure why you think "riDQulous" is a positive thing...

What does this have to do with McDonald's? Well, their large milkshake is still a large and costs $3.99. A large for the price of a medium at DQ (which used to be the small). Listen up DQ, my loyalty is only as strong as the best ice cream supply. When I can get more product for a lower price, then adios amigo. You are this close to being on my list, which is not a fun place to be. Just ask Futureshop... Okay, I'm not dilusional enough to think my shopping preferences have any effect, but it makes me feel better.

One day, I'll realize it's cheaper to buy my own ice cream and make the milkshakes/ blizzards at home, and I'll get more too.

Another Survey from Facebook

Every once in a while I feel sarcastic enough to take the time to fill out these facebook surveys...

Name: Gary Hamon
Birthday: yes, every year
Do you replace the toilet paper if you use the last piece?: Yes
Birthplace: Hospital
How many pairs of shoes do you have?: 3-4
Current Location: Downstairs in the office
Eye Color: Blue.
Do you weigh yourself often?: No
Hair Color: Brown
Can you tie a cherry stem in your mouth?: No, I can never seem to get my fingers in far enough
Do you dye your hair?: No
Height: 6'6"
Do you laugh aloud by yourself?: If something is funny
Right or Left handed?: Right
Biggest weakness: Needles. Needles and blood. Needles and blood and kryptonite
What is your favorite movie and why?: Star Wars, Star Trek, Princess Bride, Bourne Trilogy, Serenity,...
Biggest fear: I have a recurring dream where I find out at the final exam I had another class I didn't know about and never attended.
Do you take daily medications?: Does ice cream count??
Your perfect pizza: BBQ Chicken. Or Hawaiian.
What is the best thing you can cook?: Toast. Cereal (although technically I don't actually cook it).
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Time travel
Do you have any OCD habits?: Straightening the twisted cords on hotel irons.
Your most overused word or phrase on a messenger: Cool
Do you test the water or dive straight in?: Jump in, how cold could it be anyway...
Thoughts first waking up: What day is it??
Would you peek in someone else's medicine cabinet?: Depends, do they have anything good?
Your best physical feature: ear hair
Do you chew straws?: Only if I've eaten everything else
Your bedtime: what time is it now?
Do you iron your clothes?: Shirts, unless I'm wearing a suit coat.
Number of hours of sleep per night: not enough
What was your favorite childhood toy?: Lego
Favorite Drink: Milk, juice, root beer (trying to cut back)
Can you do the splits?: With bananas and ice cream
Favorite Food: Ribs, pizza, burgers, steak, potatoes, whatever else Dawn makes...
Can you keep a secret?: Yes, let me tell you a few :)
Favorite Restaurant: DQ, A&W, 5 Guys, Montana's, Tony Roma's...
Favorite Ice Cream: Tiger, Mint Chocolate Chip, Cookies & Cream
Do you drink?: See "Favorite Drink" above...
Do you smoke?: If I'm on fire...
Do you do drugs?: Just ice cream. I can't seem to find any tiger's blood.
Do you like to sing?: Meh
Do you like to dance?: Not so much
Describe yourself in three words: Tall, dark, and handsome :)
Do you believe in yourself?: Pretty sure I exist
As a kid who did you look up to?: Taller people
What did you want to be when you "Grew up"?: A Jedi
What do you do for a living?: Work
Do you like the rain?: The warm kind
Do you like Thunderstorms?: Yes
What's your fondest memory?: That one time, with those people... I don't recall the specifics
Have you ever shoplifted?: When I was about four, my mom made me take it back into the store though.
Do you have any tattoos?: No
Do you have any piercings?: No
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?: Does a cruise ship count?
When is the last time you went on a road trip?: Define road trip...
What is one thing you refuse to eat?: Bugs. Multi-grain pasta.
What's your birthstone?: Huh??
What's your Zodiac sign?: "Out of Order"
What year did you graduate high school?: 1991
Do you have any scars?: Yes
What kind of car do you have?: 2010 Chev Equinox
What kind of car would you like to have?: Corvette
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: Dawn
Do you like cartoons?: Clone Wars :)
What's your favorite smell?: Food
What do you do while you're driving?: My taxes, pythagorean theorum... the usual.
What's your favorite store to shop in?: The Lego Store, Toys R Us...
Do you believe in Karma?: She's my cousin, well 2nd cousin
What's your favorite number?: Whatever wins me the $43 Million on LottoMax
What's your favorite sport?: Like to play volleyball. Will have to start watching football soon if Rhys keeps going...
Have you ever lived in a different province?: Tried BC for a while, lived in Pennsylvania too.
Where would you like to live?: Somewhere warm
Are you a fast typer?: Compared to...??
Are you listening to music right now?: Yes
When were you the saddest in your life?: Any time we run out of ice cream
What does your CD player have in it right now?: What are these CD's of which you speak?? How old is this survey?
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: Why/how would I be a crayon??
What is your middle name?: Danger. Trouble. Mud. Depends on who's calling for me...
If you could change anything in your past what would it be?: Find the Caramilk secret. Or the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs & spices.
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Anyone who says eyes is lying. Neither of the genders is genetically imprinted that way...
What's your favorite color?: Green. Or Red.
What's your biggest pet peeve?: Poor grammer. Stupidity.
Do you like the ocean? Which one?: Some are better than others.
Do you like roller coasters?: Do you like projectile vomit?
What was your first job?: Babysitting.
If you could visit anywhere where would it be?: Tattoine, the brochures look nice. Naboo might be good too.
Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?: Once, didn't realize it was a school zone until it was too late.
Do you wear contacts/glasses?: Not at the same time.
What's your favorite holiday?: Christmas
Have you ever fired a gun?: No, but I've fired 3 employees and 1 supervisor.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Two
Hugs or kisses?: Getting? Giving? Where are we going with this? And who is on the other end?
Do you bite your nails?: No
Do you have any siblings?: They may not want to admit it at times, but yes.
Have you ever been on a plane?: No, but I've been in several
What is your current desktop picture?: Yoda
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?: Probably the extinguisher
Do you swear?: Yes, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth...
Are you a morning person?: Yes.
Do you like your job?: Yes...Most days
What was the first car you owned?: '74 Impala
Do you care what others think about you?: If you're in law enforcement, then yes.
The craziest thing you've ever done?: I have no recollection of that event...
What ringtone is on your cell phone right now?: Depends on who's calling.
What kind of cell phone do you have?: Blackberry
Would you like other people to see your survey answers?: That's a dumb question
Do you have any pets?: 2 cats (one on either side of the fireplace)

DMD - Continued

I was in Calgary for two days this week, and my DMD (Decision Making Disorder) reared its ugly head again.

Let me quickly set the stage. I recently ended up with $50 I wasn't expecting in exchange for doing some computer work (honestly, if I like you enough to work on your computer, I'm not expecting anything for it). On top of that, I have $10 worth of Lego VIP points. Sweet as! So, you'd think that'd be a no-brainer. Me + $50 + $10 Lego Store credit = Star Wars Lego. What I didn't factor into the equation was an unexpected flair-up of DMD.

I went to the Lego store with every intention of buying something. Believe me, this is not a place to kick tires. I've never seen it not "kids crawling off the walls" busy. The occasional outburst of "But I WANT it!!" as the child points to the $300-$400 set. One kid was following his mom around carrying the Death Star box ($500) trying to plead his best case on why he can't live without it. So 30 minutes and three helpful staff later, I still couldn't find anything I wanted. Let me rephrase that, I wanted dang-near everything in the store, but I wouldn't let myself get anything.

So I tried Toys R Us. Even without the $10 credit, I could still find something for $50 and ever since the Lego store opened, TrU's prices have come back into line on all the Lego sets. I spent quite a while standing in front of the Lego section, then wandering over to the Nerf guns. Now that Trevor and Rhys are both armed and dangerous, I need to stay ahead of the arms race. I stood in front of the Nerf guns for a while, checking out a couple of models with some really great features (who wouldn't need a Nerf sniper rifle??), then wandered over to the Lego again. I won't say how many times that cycle repeated itself...

By this point, I'm starting to branch out into other Lego lines out of desperation. The police helicopter looks cool... some of the big trucks, Technic models. Argh!! What is wrong with me?! (Actually, it's a long list, where do you want to start? Chronologically? Alphabetically? Categorically?) Why is it so hard to just pick something and go with it?

Later, possibly in a subconscious effort to create balance, for about two hours I was convinced I had to get an iPhone. I checked out various plans, thought about how I could manage carrying my work phone and a personal phone, which lead to thoughts of "maybe I could trade in my work phone and pay the difference", I schemed different ways to get the phone companies competing for a better deal... But I eventually came to my senses again.

Anyone out there who actually finished your psychology degree, I welcome your input and analysis. Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope...

My First Kettlebell Workout

So, I did my first kettlebell workout this morning. "How'd it go?" you ask? Well, I believe a picture might explain it better than I could...

Yep, that pretty much summed it up. It turns out the 16kg bell may have been a bit too aggressive right out of the gates.

The first minute of swings went rather well. Seemed a bit long, but I made it. One minute of rest, followed by my second minute of swings. My stupid pinky fingers just don't fit around the handle, so I either leave them on the inside where they get squished or stick them on the outside where the start getting crampy. Another rest minute, and for the third minute, the swings are getting slower and farther apart. Ended up only doing half of minute four before wrapping that one up.

Turkish get-ups. I wasn't far off when I said I'd be drooling on the floor for three minutes. Did it once on the right side, once on the left, right side again, then that was it.

Goblet squats. Instead of 3 sets of 20 reps, I did one set of 7 reps, 1 set of 5 reps, and one set of immobile fetal position.

So, in order to avoid this morning's unpleasant side-effects, I need to scale back the weight a bit before I try that again. In the meantime, I'll focus on some of my weaker areas so this won't be such a traumatic event for my system.

Kettle Bell Intro

So, our friends have been doing kettle bells for a while now and graciously agreed to come out and give me a quick overview. Jesse came and walked me through a few of the basic exercises. He started me out with the 24kg 16kg bell, mercifully...

The first one was the two-handed swing, fairly straight-forward and I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of it even though my technique could use some refinement. I was surprised to see how quickly it feels like I'm actually getting a workout. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, here's a video demonstration... One minute of swings, then one minute of rest, and repeat six times. I'll tell you right now, I have the one minute of rest down pat. I was already starting to sweat after a few reps. It looks like you're just swinging a canon ball around, but it really is a full-body workout.

Then he showed me the goblet squats. I did maybe ten of them and my legs are still not talking to me. I'd rather fall down the stairs right now than walk up and down... He says when I get good at those, I can move to the one-legged (or pistol) squat. I couldn't do one of those right now without the weight, so this could be a bit of an uphill climb.

"Now I'll show you the Turkish get-up". A what now?? (Here's another video). Yah, it's harder than it looks. "Normally you'd do five minutes with that one." Five minutes?! Holy cardiac arrest, Batman! Five minutes for me would be about two reps followed by 3 minutes of unconscious drooling on the floor.

So, after my quick introduction, I am now hooked on kettlebells. If you want more information, I would highly recommend visiting Jesse's website, "Core Kettlebell Training." He'll be offering classes in the Cardston area in April, hopefully by then I will be to the point where I can actually make it through an entire workout. Right now the kids have "9-1" programmed into the speed dial so all they have to do is press the last "1" as I pass out.

If you're new to this like I am, let me warn you there will be pain after your first session. I'll let you know just how much after I do my first real workout on Friday. I'm hoping that if I skip tomorrow, I'll stop hurting enough to start the pain all over again. It's a good hurt though, right? Now I just have to figure out how to pack the 16kg bell into my suitcase when I hit the road next week...

Bet You Can't Eat Just One

Remember the old Lay's commercials? "Bet you can't eat just one"... Well, I have found a flaw in my "One Thing" philosophy. One thing soon leads to two, then three... and before you know it, you're actively looking to get into better shape. Making time to get the workout in, planning the day to make sure you have time to work out, checking the iFitness app on the iPad to see what other exercises could easily and logically be added to the existing routine, drinking more water (technically, any water would count as more than I was drinking before), taking carbonated drinks off the menu (including my beloved Barq's Rootbeer), getting advice from friends and family who know way more about this stuff than I do...

I even had a salad the other day while on the road. Salad... as a MEAL. Granted, it was the unofficial Subway Taco salad (steak salad w/ crushed up nacho chips), but still... How many of you thought you'd ever see the day when I had salad on purpose? And not as a side either.

So let me voice a word of caution to any who may be considering a similar "One Thing" approach to improving your health. It's a slippery slope, my friends. I started out with every intention of keeping "one thing" to just one thing, but now I'm surprised at how I really do have time to fit in a regular exercise program. It won't be long before I become "one of them". You know what I'm talking about, those people who can't stop talking about it to everyone around them. They're like vampires (the cool ones, not the sparkly kind), once they're "bitten", they want everyone else to join in too.

So, as an incentive, I went to the Lego store and picked up...

...this. The Clone Turbo Tank. The catch? I can't open it until I get my BMI down to the top end of the "Normal" range, which for my height is 210-215lbs. My BMI right now is 27.7 and apparently needs to be under 25. Personally, I look forward to being able to tie my shoes and breathe at the same time, everything after that is just gravy.

Hello Endorphins, Where Have You Been?

I didn't get around to exercising yesterday, and found myself with some extra adrenalin and pent-up aggression so I decided to do a bit more intensive workout tonight. It turns out, I may need to find reasons to generate some bottled-up rage more often because I found my regular weight settings weren't enough and I ended up moving everything up a few notches. Granted, I will most likely pay for it in the morning, but it felt really good tonight. The frustrations are subdued, for now at least, and I feel great. This is the first time I have noticed the endorphin rush after exercising.

I can't say my results are conclusive after only one trial, but the data suggests there may be a direct correlation between effort put into the workout and the positive feelings afterwards. If my findings are consistent after a few more trials, I could be on to something here. Just think what something like this could do for the fitness industry!

One Thing

I have so many excuses as to why I can't/don't start getting into better shape, but usually it comes down to "I don't have enough time." If I'm on the road, I never feel like hitting the hotel treadmill when I get in. Honestly, this may be a good thing sometimes. Have you seen some of those gems?? State-of-the-art technology, straight from the early 80's... yah, it might be time to upgrade. Anyhow, to make myself feel better, I tell myself I'll do it in the morning before I go out, which has yet to happen.

When I'm at home, I have a new set of excuses. Can't do it in the morning because I don't want to disturb anyone's slumber, then it's time to help get the kids up, fed, and ready before kicking them out the door for school. Then I need to get ready for work, which on some days just means grabbing some hot chocolate and heading downstairs to the computer. After work, it's time for supper, time to drive kids to various activities, time to sow, time to reap, time for bed. The few times when I have miraculously started an exercise program, it comes off the rails when I head out of town within a calendar week.

Then I look at friends/family who somehow manage to get in shape while facing the same time constraints and challenges. I love them dearly, but I don't know if I'm worthy to even be seen in public with them. A good friend went down to Boston to run in a marathon. "You mean, THE Boston Marathon?" Yes, that one. I won't walk four blocks to get the mail, and you're running marathons (in my defense, what if someone sends me a large package? I don't want to carry that all the way home...). It's a bad sign when you're walking on the sidewalk and people pull over out of pity to see if you want a ride. She selects half and full marathons based on the cool stuff they give out. Wow what a coincidence, that's the same way I select breakfast cereal. I'd be asking if they had any shorter courses. "Do you have anything maybe around the block? How about to the end of the registration table and back. Heck with it, I'll just buy the shirt/jacket/towel/whatever on eBay later." I have a cousin who completed a local triathalon, another cousin and her husband who go running just for fun. You know the type, they post on facebook, "It was sure cold this morning, but I managed to get my 50km run in..." And by "cold", they mean -40c and winds of 80-100kph. Polar bears are staying inside to keep warm, but they're still running.

Realistically, that probably won't ever be me. But I'm coming to the realization (slowly) that I don't need to run a marathon (or hopefully, at all). I'm trying to implement a new policy in my life and it's called "one thing". It works not just for fitness, but for all the other areas of my life too. It goes like this, "What is one thing I can do today to improve in the area of [fitness/personal development/work/etc.]?" I'm not going to be able to do everything, but I should be able to do one thing, and that's more than I've been doing so far...

I Think I Have DMD

I've come to the conclusion I must have Decision-Making Disorder. I'm not even sure that's a recognized condition yet (probably isn't). On the bright side, they might end up naming it after me if I'm the first diagnosed patient.

I received a gift card for Christmas and spent an hour this evening wandering around the store, not able to make up my mind on anything. To put this in context, it's not like I got a card to the House of Tools or Ed's Vegetarian Emporium. No, I got a Best Buy card and still couldn't find anything. I love electronics, I'm never more than an arm's-reach away from a gadget. Be it an iPod, iPad, Blackberry, laptop... I always have something with me.

Small purchases have always been my week spot. I think I've spent more time standing in the aisle trying to decide which Star Wars Lego kit to buy than I did deciding to buy our house or the Ion/Aura/Equinox combined. Dawn seriously left me at the Lego aisle in Target once while she went to do her shopping, then came back after she was done and picked the sets for me because I was still standing there. I don't know why these little purchases become such a major-life decision, maybe it stems back to the newlywed days when we had to check our bank account balance before going to 7-11 for a slurpee.

So I wandered from one department to the next, trying to find something but to no avail. At first, the staff start asking, "Do you need a hand yet?" Then you start hearing announcements over the store speakers, "Security, check cameras in section C." Then I'd go over to Computers, "Security, check the cameras in section F." Until finally they give up trying to be sneaky and start announcing, "Security, that tall guy in the blue coat is over by the stereos now."

I'm not sure what the treatment is for DMD, if there is a treatment. Maybe I should've stuck it out and finished my Psych degree, then I could at least write a paper on it. Maybe apply for some study grants...